Surely You Gotto be Kidding Me !
Friday, August 04, 2006
Headlines : 4th August, Friday
At last a solution to the Middle East crisis. It has been suggested by the Iranian President Mahmud Ahmedinejad. It’s short and simple. "Destroy Israel".
No kidding. That’s what he said. Maybe its time he stopped playing those video games on his Playstation.2..........they are starting to get to him.
Destroy Israel indeed!! If there is a hell and Hitler is still around the premises, I am sure he is sporting a big smile right now.
I guess the Iranian President is just following the Mel Gibson example.........you know, get really drunk and start attacking Jews left right and centre.
He also urged Muslim states to "isolate" the United States and Britain for supporting Israel's military attacks against Lebanon. This is a radical suggestion. A paradigm shift. As far as I know, the Muslim countries just LOVE the United States and UK.........
In fact, British Prime Minister Tony Blair is going to postpone his scheduled holiday till the violent Middle East situation is resolved. He has rescheduled it for August, 2015. Fingers crossed.
India is going to withdraw its troops deployed on peacekeeping duty inLebanon. That’s the right thing to do. Given the state of affairs, they have OBVIOUSLY failed in their mission. Obviously.
The Pathak Commission’s report on the oil-for-food scam has been leaked to the press. So, someone apparently has been bribed into giving out the details about a bribery scam. This is India for you right here.
Jagat Singh, son of Natwar Singh, has firmly denied that he or his father ever received any money as bribes in the oil-for-food scam. Of course, Jagat was seated in his brand new Mercedes car when he made this statement to the press.
Update on the 7 / 11 Mumbai train blasts. Wait........... actually there's no update................ that's right, still no progress on that front.
Following the pesticide allegations, the Supreme Court has asked Pepsi and Coke to reveal the chemical contents of their products. I am really really hoping the words dirt and phenyl have no part to play in the issue.
Something to be proud of. Winner of a seven-month rigorous competition conducted by Microsoft, Abhishek Kumarasubramaniam (20), an IIT Madras student, will get an opportunity to work directly with Bill Gates. But his first assignment is a toughie - he has to fix all the bugs in Windows Vista and ensure it’s released by the end of this month!!!
Ohio State University astronomers are claiming that the Triangulum Galaxy is actually 15 per cent further away from our galaxy than previously measured, which implies that the universe is bigger and older than earlier believed. You know what this means for all of us? - NOTHING.
No kidding. That’s what he said. Maybe its time he stopped playing those video games on his Playstation.2..........they are starting to get to him.
Destroy Israel indeed!! If there is a hell and Hitler is still around the premises, I am sure he is sporting a big smile right now.
I guess the Iranian President is just following the Mel Gibson example.........you know, get really drunk and start attacking Jews left right and centre.
He also urged Muslim states to "isolate" the United States and Britain for supporting Israel's military attacks against Lebanon. This is a radical suggestion. A paradigm shift. As far as I know, the Muslim countries just LOVE the United States and UK.........
In fact, British Prime Minister Tony Blair is going to postpone his scheduled holiday till the violent Middle East situation is resolved. He has rescheduled it for August, 2015. Fingers crossed.
India is going to withdraw its troops deployed on peacekeeping duty inLebanon. That’s the right thing to do. Given the state of affairs, they have OBVIOUSLY failed in their mission. Obviously.
The Pathak Commission’s report on the oil-for-food scam has been leaked to the press. So, someone apparently has been bribed into giving out the details about a bribery scam. This is India for you right here.
Jagat Singh, son of Natwar Singh, has firmly denied that he or his father ever received any money as bribes in the oil-for-food scam. Of course, Jagat was seated in his brand new Mercedes car when he made this statement to the press.
Update on the 7 / 11 Mumbai train blasts. Wait........... actually there's no update................ that's right, still no progress on that front.
Following the pesticide allegations, the Supreme Court has asked Pepsi and Coke to reveal the chemical contents of their products. I am really really hoping the words dirt and phenyl have no part to play in the issue.
Something to be proud of. Winner of a seven-month rigorous competition conducted by Microsoft, Abhishek Kumarasubramaniam (20), an IIT Madras student, will get an opportunity to work directly with Bill Gates. But his first assignment is a toughie - he has to fix all the bugs in Windows Vista and ensure it’s released by the end of this month!!!
Ohio State University astronomers are claiming that the Triangulum Galaxy is actually 15 per cent further away from our galaxy than previously measured, which implies that the universe is bigger and older than earlier believed. You know what this means for all of us? - NOTHING.
Wednesday, August 02, 2006
Headlines : 2nd August, Wednesday
Sachin is now endorsing a new product. Pesticides. Well....actually, he is still the brand ambassador for Pepsi but apparently, the drink can ALSO kill that annoying rat nibbling your shirt in the closet.
That's right. The latest CSE report says that the pesticide content in soft drinks is higher than ever before. On the other hand, I see SachinTendulkar on TV everyday putting his reputation on the line and assuring me that Pepsi is the best thing for me to drink. Hmmmm.........wonder who I should trust here.........
It seems that in the samples that were tested, the pesticide content was more than 200 times the allowed limit set by the Bureau of Indian Standards (BIS). Wait a minute, allowed limit? Allowed limit? When did I agree to that?? I don’t want ANY pesticides in what I drink!!!
The mole controversy. Jaswant Singh now says that he doesn’t know the name of the mole. He also denies ever claiming he knew the name of the spy. Does this mean he has been screwing around with all of us so far? I say put him in jail…….with molestation charges.
But he does confirm that the ‘mole’ is someone well-known who no longer lives in India. Right…… well-known. No longer in India. This should be pretty simple tracking down this person. There are just a few million people who match this description. Should be a cinch.
The Congress has moved a privilege motion in the Rajya Sabha against Leader of the Opposition Jaswant Singh for misleading the House. Jaswant now says that he never knew that he was the Leader of the Opposition and he never claimed any such thing.
Pakistan is calling on India to provide specific information and intelligence on the Mumbai blasts so that they can also help with the investigation. Yeah, right. Information…..intelligence……as if we have any of that ready with us. Are they just mocking us here?
The Middle East conflict. The Hezbollah have fired a record 190 rockets at Israel today. In spite of that, they could only manage to kill one Israeli guy riding a cycle. What a waste of so many rockets!!!. On the plus side, it’s comforting to know that India is not the only one firing rockets aimlessly these days.
UN chief Kofi Annan is now focusing on the achieving peace in Darfur. If the UN can be as successful here as it was with the Israeli-Hezbollah conflict……..then………..nothing might get done here too.
Fidel Castro has recovered well after his operation. Not everyone is happy about it though. There are a lot of rebel Cubans in Miami who were actually celebrating his demise from power. They even refer to him as ‘Infidel’ Castro.
That's right. The latest CSE report says that the pesticide content in soft drinks is higher than ever before. On the other hand, I see SachinTendulkar on TV everyday putting his reputation on the line and assuring me that Pepsi is the best thing for me to drink. Hmmmm.........wonder who I should trust here.........
It seems that in the samples that were tested, the pesticide content was more than 200 times the allowed limit set by the Bureau of Indian Standards (BIS). Wait a minute, allowed limit? Allowed limit? When did I agree to that?? I don’t want ANY pesticides in what I drink!!!
The mole controversy. Jaswant Singh now says that he doesn’t know the name of the mole. He also denies ever claiming he knew the name of the spy. Does this mean he has been screwing around with all of us so far? I say put him in jail…….with molestation charges.
But he does confirm that the ‘mole’ is someone well-known who no longer lives in India. Right…… well-known. No longer in India. This should be pretty simple tracking down this person. There are just a few million people who match this description. Should be a cinch.
The Congress has moved a privilege motion in the Rajya Sabha against Leader of the Opposition Jaswant Singh for misleading the House. Jaswant now says that he never knew that he was the Leader of the Opposition and he never claimed any such thing.
Pakistan is calling on India to provide specific information and intelligence on the Mumbai blasts so that they can also help with the investigation. Yeah, right. Information…..intelligence……as if we have any of that ready with us. Are they just mocking us here?
The Middle East conflict. The Hezbollah have fired a record 190 rockets at Israel today. In spite of that, they could only manage to kill one Israeli guy riding a cycle. What a waste of so many rockets!!!. On the plus side, it’s comforting to know that India is not the only one firing rockets aimlessly these days.
UN chief Kofi Annan is now focusing on the achieving peace in Darfur. If the UN can be as successful here as it was with the Israeli-Hezbollah conflict……..then………..nothing might get done here too.
Fidel Castro has recovered well after his operation. Not everyone is happy about it though. There are a lot of rebel Cubans in Miami who were actually celebrating his demise from power. They even refer to him as ‘Infidel’ Castro.
Tuesday, August 01, 2006
Headlines : 1st August, Tuesday
Back to being hot in Chennai again. People were sweating like Fidel Castro watching an episode of ER.
That’s right. The 79-year old Cuban leader has handed the power over to his brother since he has an intestinal surgery operation coming up. An old politician forced to relinquish power due to health reasons? Seems to happen everywhere, except here in Tamil Nadu.
Total chaos in the Rajya Sabha today. Manmohan Singh was in a belligerent mood. He demanded that Jaswant Singh come out openly and honestly reveal the name of the mole. It was at this point when all the honorable members broke into hysterical laughter.
A politician being asked to be open and honest? Even the PM had the decency to admit later that he got carried away a bit there.
And hear this. On top of this US mole controversy, Jaswant Singh has now accused the PM of opposing the nuclear tests India conducted during 1994-1996. Manmohan countered this saying – ‘Jaswant is doing this just to deflect attention from the mole controversy’. To which, Jaswant said – ‘Well, duh!!!’
The floods in Gujarat. The Army has now been called in to help in the rescue operations. And why not? They are no good in keeping the militants quiet in Kashmir. Let them do something useful at least……..
The FBI has identified some terrorist camps in Kashmir using advanced satellite images. The Pakistani President was stunned on hearing this. He was asking – ‘What is this now? I thought everybody knew about the terrorist camps already. Why mess around with satellites and stuff?’
Pakistan on Tuesday emphasized that 'phenomenon of terrorism' should not be allowed to have any impact on Indo-Pak ties. Totally reasonable, if you ask me. Just because they support the terrorists and just because they are behind all the major bombings in India doesn’t mean they are not our friends, right?
In the meanwhile, the LTTE and the Lankan army are also at it again. But no one seems to notice this with all the fireworks going on in Lebanon. It’s like having a match between Zimbabwe and Bangladesh when the Ashes series is in full swing.
This is amazing. A 4-year old boy in Patna has been accused of assaulting and molesting a woman. Wait wait wait…..let me rephrase that……he has been accused of assaulting and TRYING to molest a woman….hehehehe.
A 4-year old molesting an old woman? Finally India has its very own Ashton Kutcher. Yay!!
That’s right. The 79-year old Cuban leader has handed the power over to his brother since he has an intestinal surgery operation coming up. An old politician forced to relinquish power due to health reasons? Seems to happen everywhere, except here in Tamil Nadu.
Total chaos in the Rajya Sabha today. Manmohan Singh was in a belligerent mood. He demanded that Jaswant Singh come out openly and honestly reveal the name of the mole. It was at this point when all the honorable members broke into hysterical laughter.
A politician being asked to be open and honest? Even the PM had the decency to admit later that he got carried away a bit there.
And hear this. On top of this US mole controversy, Jaswant Singh has now accused the PM of opposing the nuclear tests India conducted during 1994-1996. Manmohan countered this saying – ‘Jaswant is doing this just to deflect attention from the mole controversy’. To which, Jaswant said – ‘Well, duh!!!’
The floods in Gujarat. The Army has now been called in to help in the rescue operations. And why not? They are no good in keeping the militants quiet in Kashmir. Let them do something useful at least……..
The FBI has identified some terrorist camps in Kashmir using advanced satellite images. The Pakistani President was stunned on hearing this. He was asking – ‘What is this now? I thought everybody knew about the terrorist camps already. Why mess around with satellites and stuff?’
Pakistan on Tuesday emphasized that 'phenomenon of terrorism' should not be allowed to have any impact on Indo-Pak ties. Totally reasonable, if you ask me. Just because they support the terrorists and just because they are behind all the major bombings in India doesn’t mean they are not our friends, right?
In the meanwhile, the LTTE and the Lankan army are also at it again. But no one seems to notice this with all the fireworks going on in Lebanon. It’s like having a match between Zimbabwe and Bangladesh when the Ashes series is in full swing.
This is amazing. A 4-year old boy in Patna has been accused of assaulting and molesting a woman. Wait wait wait…..let me rephrase that……he has been accused of assaulting and TRYING to molest a woman….hehehehe.
A 4-year old molesting an old woman? Finally India has its very own Ashton Kutcher. Yay!!
Monday, July 31, 2006
Headlines : 31st July, Monday
It was raining in Chennai in the evening. The weather was delightful and people were having a great time. They were like the Hezbollah on hearing the words ‘Cease-fire’.
The crisis in the Middle East. Following calls from India and the UN, Israel has agreed to a cease-fire for two days.
What? You look surprised..........Yeah, was just pulling your leg. The Israelis don't give a damn about the UN or India. They have just run out of missiles I think.
You know what’s the problem for the starving refugees in Beirut right now?
They can only have Juice for breakfast, lunch, dinner and have Jews for company.
In the middle of all this, George Bush has expressed his desire to see 'sustainable peace' in the Middle East. Is this a new strategy of his? You know, ease all the tension with some humour?
Forget the Middle East, let’s first try to achieve some ‘sustainable peace’ between Jagmohan Dalmiya and Saurav Ganguly.
Manmohan Singh has denied that Jaswant Singh gave him the name of the US 'mole' in the Narasimha Rao Govt. This is after Jaswant claimed that he had already revealed the name of the mole to the PM. The last time there was so much fuss about a US mole, Cindy Crawford had just come into fame.
You know something? Jaswant Singh has recently released a book ‘Call to Honour’ which has already gone into the second print due to the sensational nature of his allegations. I am no skeptic but I have a feeling Jaswant has made a ‘mountain out of a mole’ just to sell his book.
It keeps getting worse. American sprinter Justin Gatlin, who holds the Olympic and World 100m records, has failed a drugs test. As usual, he has given the ‘I don’t even know how this happened’ speech to the press. Let me tell you how it happened, you cheater……remember how you filled the syringe with that stuff and injected it into your bum?……… yeah, THAT’s how you ran so fast!!!
Previous Tour winner Lance Armstrong has also tested positive for using performance enhancing drugs. But the sad part, he is only driving his car around these days. Apparently, he did it due to sheer force of habit.
Australian Prime Minister John Howard has decided against early retirement and will lead his Liberal Party into elections next year. Excuse me, early retirement? Hasn’t he already won the last four elections and been in power for more than a decade now???
Mel Gibson has confessed that there has been a relapse of his alcoholism habit. He only has himself to blame for this. Ever since he played Jesus Christ in 'Passion of theChrist', each time he drank water, he has been turning it into wine without realizing it.
Pam Anderson has tied the knot again with singer Kid Rock. It was a fun occasion for all attendees. Except for the priest, I guess. How tough must it be to say the words - 'Do you take this man, KID ROCK, as your husband' and still keep a straight face?
How’s this for an irony? Allen Carr, the world famous anti-smoking guru has been recently diagnosed with lung cancer. I don’t know if I should even bother coming up with a joke here.....
The crisis in the Middle East. Following calls from India and the UN, Israel has agreed to a cease-fire for two days.
What? You look surprised..........Yeah, was just pulling your leg. The Israelis don't give a damn about the UN or India. They have just run out of missiles I think.
You know what’s the problem for the starving refugees in Beirut right now?
They can only have Juice for breakfast, lunch, dinner and have Jews for company.
In the middle of all this, George Bush has expressed his desire to see 'sustainable peace' in the Middle East. Is this a new strategy of his? You know, ease all the tension with some humour?
Forget the Middle East, let’s first try to achieve some ‘sustainable peace’ between Jagmohan Dalmiya and Saurav Ganguly.
Manmohan Singh has denied that Jaswant Singh gave him the name of the US 'mole' in the Narasimha Rao Govt. This is after Jaswant claimed that he had already revealed the name of the mole to the PM. The last time there was so much fuss about a US mole, Cindy Crawford had just come into fame.
You know something? Jaswant Singh has recently released a book ‘Call to Honour’ which has already gone into the second print due to the sensational nature of his allegations. I am no skeptic but I have a feeling Jaswant has made a ‘mountain out of a mole’ just to sell his book.
It keeps getting worse. American sprinter Justin Gatlin, who holds the Olympic and World 100m records, has failed a drugs test. As usual, he has given the ‘I don’t even know how this happened’ speech to the press. Let me tell you how it happened, you cheater……remember how you filled the syringe with that stuff and injected it into your bum?……… yeah, THAT’s how you ran so fast!!!
Previous Tour winner Lance Armstrong has also tested positive for using performance enhancing drugs. But the sad part, he is only driving his car around these days. Apparently, he did it due to sheer force of habit.
Australian Prime Minister John Howard has decided against early retirement and will lead his Liberal Party into elections next year. Excuse me, early retirement? Hasn’t he already won the last four elections and been in power for more than a decade now???
Mel Gibson has confessed that there has been a relapse of his alcoholism habit. He only has himself to blame for this. Ever since he played Jesus Christ in 'Passion of theChrist', each time he drank water, he has been turning it into wine without realizing it.
Pam Anderson has tied the knot again with singer Kid Rock. It was a fun occasion for all attendees. Except for the priest, I guess. How tough must it be to say the words - 'Do you take this man, KID ROCK, as your husband' and still keep a straight face?
How’s this for an irony? Allen Carr, the world famous anti-smoking guru has been recently diagnosed with lung cancer. I don’t know if I should even bother coming up with a joke here.....
