Surely You Gotto be Kidding Me !

A typical day in Chennai. It was so hot that it made me wonder why I am still working in a company where I have to compulsorily wear a damn tie at work.

On to the big news of the day. Rahul Mahajan has been hospitalised following a serious case of food poisoning. Police are suspecting foul play. They are looking at suspects - any possible enemies, money disputes, mentally unstable or shady characters - and all of this just within the Mahajan family : - ))

Consider this. Rahul was a late night party when he got food poisoned. I hope he was having a good time there. I mean, its not as if his father was brutally shot dead just a few weeks back by his uncle, who is now spending time in jail. With everything going so perfectly with the family, what better time to be partying than now?

Politics. Our Prime Minister has personally explained to President Kalam the compelling reason why he should immediately sign the 'Office of Profit' bill. The reason is - Coz Sonia said so.

The Kashmir Tourism board is worried that the constant terrorist activity may affect their business. Naah.......they are just over-reacting. Would a tourist be really bothered if the two buses ahead of him suddenly exploded killing all passengers in an instant? Not at all. No way. Happens all the time........

Students applying to the Delhi University are not confident of getting a seat even with 90 % marks and above. But this has nothing to do with the quota system. They got scared after they meet hundreds of students from Bihar with 135 % marks and above from their board exams !!!!! How can they compete with these Biharis........ : -))))

Rahul Dravid is unsure of the team composition before the first Test against the West Indies. He is not sure whether to pick 2 pacers and 2 spinners or pick 4 Caribbean dancers from the spectators instead. The cheer-girls are clearly better looking than our bowlers and that could tilt the decision in their favour, he said.

The US troops in Iraq are being given a Ethical training course. This became necessary after a US Marine innocently asked a BBC reporter - " Wow.......is it true that shooting a pregnant woman for fun is actually considered "wrong" in some cultures?"

A Japanese scientist has worked hard and digitally re-created the voice of Mona Lisa using voice simulators. Not surprisingly, the first words that Mona Lisa spoke were -”I hate China and all Chinese are bastards. And yes, I am smiling because I got a manicure..........there ends the speculation. "

A miracle three-armed baby has been born in China. Amazing, isn’t it? Even more amazingly, Wal-Mart has already placed bulk orders with the Chinese Govt. for 300 more of these babies to be delivered in the next 6 months.

Scientists in Israel have discovered 8 new species living in an underground cave. The bad news: Within 15 minutes of the discovery, 5 of the species are already on the endangered list and the other 3 have been taken by Steve Irwin to use as crocodile feed.

There is a new political party in Holland that is trying to get the legal age for kids to have sex reduced from 16 to 12 !!!! It looks as if Demi Moore can finally have sex with Ashton Kutcher if they can move to Dutchland.

Yep....its another blistering day in the North. It was so hot that the Supreme court Judge in charge of the quota issue conducted the whole session without having his wig on.

The doctors have finally called off their strike. But the medical students are still going to carry on. They say it makes no sense to call it off at this point. The Football World Cup is coming up in a week's time. Who wants to be in college during the World Cup?

AIADMK members have been allowed back into the TN Assembly only on certain conditions. No throwing mikes and chappals. No foul language. And definitely no peeing in the back benches. They are very strict about the last one.

The good news : Three Lashkar-e-Taiba terrorists were shot down in Maharashtra yesterday.
The bad news : It was Pravin Mahajan who shot them.

India and Pakistan have swapped their 'Most Wanted' name lists today. I dont think the Pakistani's understand the concept. The first name on their list is Mallika Sherawat.

Talking of 'Most Wanted' lists, Danush plays a mafia don in Pudupettai. Yeah, right :-)).............He looks like a don wearing cut-banian, who last ate something in April 2004. Plus, his handling of a gun is worse than Dick Cheney. How is he supposed to scare anyone?? What was Selvaraghavan thinking?

US troops have reportedly killed a pregnant woman in Iraq. The bastards. When Hillary Clinton mentioned this to Bill, he was like - " Dont look at me.........I din't get her pregnant !!!! "

A man in Malaysia has severed his penis to prove to his wife that he had never cheated on her. Big big mistake. Now what if she gets convinced he is saying the truth? And if she still doesn't trust him, he can't move on to other women. Either way, he is doomed. What a fool...........
Malaysia - Truly Asia??? I hope not................. : - ))

The following articles contributed by Srivats :-)

Medicos have finally called of the strike. I exactly know how they feel, Monday morning blues are the worst.

Die Hard fans here it comes - the 4th installment of the sequel. Get ready for some serious grandpa action.

Dutch paedophiles are launching a political party to push for a cut in the legal age for sexual relations to 12 from 16 and the legalisation of child pornography and sex with animals . Oh my god !!, its too wacky even by Dutch standards.

Liz ( Elizabeth ) Taylor has claimed that she doesn't have Alzheimer’s disease but is selectively forgetful of somethings. For example she forgot four of her seven husbands she married.

Tamil Nadu government have banned "The Da Vinci Code" from hitting the theaters on July 2nd. They claim it sets a very bad tone for birth control.

What a hot day in the North !! It was so hot that people were buying tickets to 'Fanaa' just to chill out in a A/C theatre !!!

The quota issue. The supreme court Judge has advised the medical students in Delhi to end their strike and go back to college. As if youngsters in the country take career advice from a grandpa..................... they dint listen to Aamir Khan in Rang De Basanti, they aren't going to listen to this old man either.

The protesting doctors in Delhi are going to give a written demand sheet to the Supreme Court. Wow. The last occasion when there were so many incompetent doctors in a court room, they were shooting the climax scene in Munnabhai MBBS.

The BJP has come out with its opinion on the quota issue. It has said that it approves of the 27% reservation policy but is also keen on maintaining educational excellence. Phew..........I am just glad that they are not being equivocal with the issue. We need more clear voices like this right now :-))))
(How stupid must the BJP be, to not realize that the two aims are mutually exclusive??)

Saddam Hussein was shocked at his trial to learn that many of the victims he had ordered to be killed were still alive. His Minister had apparently failed to kill them off. George Bush can understand Saddam's embarrassment. Saddam's Minister can't shoot those he is asked to while Dick Cheney is going about shooting people he is not supposed to.

General Motors is going to come up with a new car. Its main USP is that it has no features inside, hardly costs anything and explodes at the touch of a button. The car has been designed with a specific target audience in mind - Iraqi car bombers and movie producer K T Kunjumon.

A study has revealed that India is the nation with the most number of HIV patients. Hmmmm.......not that surprising in a country where most men assume that having 'safe sex' means making sure their wives never catch them while doing it with the neighbour :- )))

It is the World Anti-Tobacco Day today. Or, as the smokers call it 'Thats-what-YOU-guys-wish' Day.

President Bush shocked the White House press when he made a surprise announcement that he had an answer to the proverbial Chicken and Egg debate. He said - "There is no doubt in my mind. Chicken is definitely much tastier than eggs, especially the way my mom makes them. So there."

The following articles contributed by Srivats :-)

An accountant in Florida was surprised when he found out that he was a direct descendant of Genghis Khan. More surprising was when Music director Deva took the same DNA test, he was found to be a descendant of the Back Street Boys.

Natwar Singh is writing a book against volcker and how people have conspired to frame him. Its dedicated to Justice Pathak and Sadam Hussain and is supposed be called "NO, N.E.V.E.R".

You know what I learned after going through rediff today ?

6 ways to style my dogs tail.
Ten tips get a job done in a government office.
12 rules to help you like Himesh Reshamiya music.
7 great ways to avoid crying while watch KANK.

5000 cores to elect them, crores of rupees spent on one working day of an parliament and here they are discussing whether models should be forced to wear underwear or not. Next what limiting size of Mallika Sherawat's tank tops or what?

Halle berry would love to free her boobs and be nude. Wasn't that what Monster's Ball was all about ?

A sizzling day in the North. It was so hot that Aamir Khan used the word 'Damn' a whole bunch of times. And he wasnt even referring to Gujrat.

The Supreme Court has gotten involved in the Quota issue. This probably means that we will drag this decision along till 2025 at least without any real progress. If the Best Bakery case is anything to go by, it could be even longer.

The Supreme Court has now asked the protesting students to call off their protests and go back to college. Yeah right, these guys dont even listen to their parents. As if an old man with a silly wig and a wooden hammer has got any chance......:-))

You know what, its like a vacation to these medical students. They get to bunk college, hang out the whole day with their friends, appear on TV......and their parents cant do a thing about it. If you ask me, these guys have no intention of going back to college again.

A fisherman in Kerala had a strange experience yesterday night. When lying in bed, he got the feeling that his wife was much stronger and sturdier than usual. On waking up, he realised that he had been hugging an uprooted tree trunk and some coconuts the whole time. Thats when it dawned upon him ..................... the stormy Monsoon season is upon Kerala again.
[Check out the photo in the link if you dont trust me.]

Sports. Sania Mirza has lost in the first round again, in the French Open. I think Sania should consider playing other sports. Like Boxing. At least in boxing, she gets to play a few rounds before losing. :-)))

Brian Lara has said that the absence of Sachin Tendulkar made a big difference in the ODI series. He is right...........had Sachin been there, we may have not even won the first match................... he's right. It did make a difference.

Entertainment news. Chris Tucker is going to play a doctor in the English adaptation of Munnabhai MBBS. So far,no one understood what doctors were writing.....now we can't understand what they are saying as well.

Italian actress Monica Belucci is going to play the lead role in a documentary film based on Sonia's life. For a change, the BJP is NOT going to make a big deal of the fact that an Italian is going to be at the helm of affairs.

A Himalayan Sherpa is in trouble for climbing to the top of Mt. Everest and then volutarily stripping and standing there for 3 minutes. Can you believe that? It must be freezing out there to say the least. On hearing this, Dick Cheney was like - " Damn ! Naked guys on ice isnt that tough afterall .....let me step up the torture a notch....Abu Gharib, here I come".

The following articles contributed by Srivats :-)

The DMK government has decided to scrap the anti-convertion bill. Basically Vaiko cant convert himself back to DMK.

Yash Chopra says bollywood lacks good writers.Bang on Dude, we all saw Fanaa.

A restraunt in England called "The Fat Duck" has been named the world's best restraunt. Yes, even I had the same doubt but they dont serve Jayalalitha on plate.

This post is dedicated to Srivats, the birthday boy :-)

Collapsed. In ruins. In despair. Helpless.................no, I am not talking about Indonesia or the earthquake........I am talking about the Indian team that has lost 4-1 to West Indies in the ODI series.

The anti-quota protests are going on for more than 2 weeks now. The Delhi Doctors have refused to be satisfied with the PMs assurances that everyone would be happy with their solution. Understandably so. Being doctors, they have told hundreds of patients that 'everything will be ok' even when they knew the patient would wind up in the Obituary Column the next day. They are not going to fall for this trick themselves.

Now, IIT Delhi and Jawaharlal Nehru University students have joined in the hunger strike. Till their demands are met, they will not have any food or water.....................Only booze and dope. The usual.

Former Israeli Prime Minister Ariel Sharon has not yet recovered from his coma. Doctors say that an alternate long-term care plan has to be considered for him. The bad news : The long-term plan involves a casket and lots of sand.

The Pope was in Poland yesterday visiting the Jewish survivors from the concentration camps in Auschwitz. That's touching, isn't it?
But did you know that the current Pope is a German and was in the German army during the War? The Pope said that he was amazed at meeting all these Jews...........Of course he was amazed........the last time he saw so many Jews, they were all naked and lying dead inside a pit .

Over the weekend, there were unruly scenes at the TN Assembly. There were mikes and chappals thrown about, foul language used and opposing party members came to blows................or as the Speaker of the House calls it, 'another boring day at the office'.

Aamir Khan's latest movie Fanaa has received poor reviews at the box office. The movie has been described as 'awful', 'poor ', ' avoidable' and so on. Maybe the Gujrat government deserves more credit than we have given them for banning the movie. Looks as if they care for their people afterall.

The French 'Clay-court' Open has begun. Federer's biggest challenge would be the young Rafael Nadal. Nadal has beaten Roger every time on this surface. Its true what they say - Kids ARE better suited to play with clay.........

The following articles contributed by Srivats :- )

Its Srivats' birthday today. Or as his mom would prefer to call it - "The day when I made an ass out of myself".

You guys know what day it is. It is Michael Jackson din't molest a child - Cheney not shooting someone - no hurricane in the Gulf of Mexico - Britney Spears dint drop a child - Aishwarya not visiting Cannes - cartoons not been drawn - Jesus not having a child day........... or in short, anti Times of India day.

I was Fanaa yesterday. I was so impressed by Kajol's character that I wished I were blind.

British rapper MIA was denied entry into US for her LTTE political undercurrents in her music. Come to think of it, American rapper Eminem is still denied entry into his house for a strong emotional undercurrent is his songs.

Police have arrested a pegion in West Bengal. You know what's the first question they asked - "Dada fan kya?"

‘I really feel that I should have been born in Meena Kumari’s time! What great roles the heroines got to play then!’ Esha Deol tells. We all agree Esha , but they were given great roles because they could play them.

Chennai students have topped 10th board exam results for another time. Hey they also made second in searching for the word sex in google. Good going guys, we are proud.