Surely You Gotto be Kidding Me !
Monday, July 17, 2006
Headlines : 17th July, Monday
The G8 summit is being held in Russia this time. It is so cold there that the other leaders are slowly realising the wisdom of wearing a huge turban to cover you head and ears.
The PM is really keen on speaking his mind out at the G8 summit. You know, express himself. Obviously. He hardly gets a chance to that when he is with Sonia or the Allies of the UPA government. This is going to be a refreshing change for him.
Manmohan Singh's main agenda at the summit is to blast Pakistan for supporting terrorism with a strongly worded speech. That’s good. Meanwhile, the Pakistanis are actually going about blasting trains and buildings all over India. As they say, actions speak louder than words.
In fact, our PM spoke personally to the US President George Bush and requested him to help India in the war against terror. When he said terror, he was of course referring to the DMK and the Left parties.
Speaking of Bush...........he said at a press conference that he was very happy to be in Russia. He also expressed a desire to visit the USSR if possible since he heard it was somewhere close by.
Update on the blasts. The Anti-Terrorist Squad has said that forensic reports reveal the use of RDX in the seven blasts that rocked Mumbai. Great. Let’s summarise the progress in the investigations. So far, we have established that there were 7 blasts and explosives like RDX were used to do it. Wow! Amazing speed and intelligence indeed…..the next step is to determine if any humans set off the bombs or it just was the handiwork of some excitable rhesus monkeys.
Pakistan has responded to criticism by saying that there are absolutely no terrorists in its grounds. I am sure there aren’t. All those bastards are over here in India once their training in Pakistan was over.
Here’s a disturbing trend. Fewer and fewer students are opting for science courses in Universities these days in India. But then, does it really matter? Our rockets and satellites are destined to end up in the Bay of Bengal anyways……..doesn’t matter who is doing the honours, right?
Israel is continuing with its bombing of Lebanon for the sixth day. This is to save two kidnapped soldiers by the Hezbollah in Lebanon. Wow…….the Jews never had it so good. There was a time when millions of them were killed together and no one raised their voice. Now, you touch one of them and Boom!!! – you better watch out mister.
This is priceless. In an unusual prayer for world peace, around 3000 residents of Poovalur village in TN, performed marriage to two donkeys in the ancient Sri Thirumoola Natha Swamy Temple. How much stupider can we get? By my calculations, there were not 2 but 3002 asses at the wedding.
The PM is really keen on speaking his mind out at the G8 summit. You know, express himself. Obviously. He hardly gets a chance to that when he is with Sonia or the Allies of the UPA government. This is going to be a refreshing change for him.
Manmohan Singh's main agenda at the summit is to blast Pakistan for supporting terrorism with a strongly worded speech. That’s good. Meanwhile, the Pakistanis are actually going about blasting trains and buildings all over India. As they say, actions speak louder than words.
In fact, our PM spoke personally to the US President George Bush and requested him to help India in the war against terror. When he said terror, he was of course referring to the DMK and the Left parties.
Speaking of Bush...........he said at a press conference that he was very happy to be in Russia. He also expressed a desire to visit the USSR if possible since he heard it was somewhere close by.
Update on the blasts. The Anti-Terrorist Squad has said that forensic reports reveal the use of RDX in the seven blasts that rocked Mumbai. Great. Let’s summarise the progress in the investigations. So far, we have established that there were 7 blasts and explosives like RDX were used to do it. Wow! Amazing speed and intelligence indeed…..the next step is to determine if any humans set off the bombs or it just was the handiwork of some excitable rhesus monkeys.
Pakistan has responded to criticism by saying that there are absolutely no terrorists in its grounds. I am sure there aren’t. All those bastards are over here in India once their training in Pakistan was over.
Here’s a disturbing trend. Fewer and fewer students are opting for science courses in Universities these days in India. But then, does it really matter? Our rockets and satellites are destined to end up in the Bay of Bengal anyways……..doesn’t matter who is doing the honours, right?
Israel is continuing with its bombing of Lebanon for the sixth day. This is to save two kidnapped soldiers by the Hezbollah in Lebanon. Wow…….the Jews never had it so good. There was a time when millions of them were killed together and no one raised their voice. Now, you touch one of them and Boom!!! – you better watch out mister.
This is priceless. In an unusual prayer for world peace, around 3000 residents of Poovalur village in TN, performed marriage to two donkeys in the ancient Sri Thirumoola Natha Swamy Temple. How much stupider can we get? By my calculations, there were not 2 but 3002 asses at the wedding.
Sunday, July 16, 2006
Weird News Stories : 16th July, Sunday
(These are actual news stories from around the world btw)
A patient in Dallas who was wearing an oxygen mask tried to light a cigarette in his hospital room, sparking a fire that forced the evacuation of more than 100 patients, destroyed the room and melted medical equipment, officials said.…..I wonder why he was in the hospital in the first place……..hopefully not for lung cancer…… he seems to be doing himself no favors whatsoever in the treatment process so far.
A German scientist has created the world's smallest soccer pitch — so minute that 20,000 of them could fit onto the tip of a human hair. Wow…..that’s just amazing. But too bad for Ronaldo. I don’t think he will fit inside this stadium. He has trouble getting into the normal ones these days with all the excess fat. This is just off-limits for him.
A 61-year-old German on trial for theft got himself into more trouble when he stole a bunch of keys from the judge during his court hearing, police said. I am not a genius or something but is this really the best way to suck up to the guy who has your fate in his hands? Can you imagine the Judge about to rule in this guy’s favor? ‘The court hereby declares the defendant as not guilty……….hey!!! Wait a minute…..where the hell is my hammer…….I can’t do this without my hammer…….and what is that bulge in the defendant’s pants?......... I just hope it’s not what I think it is ………or there will be hell to pay for…….
An official in charge of controlling litter in Youngstown, Ohio has been accused of littering up his own property. How embarrassing is that? Now, everyone in the town knows…….This guy goes up to a kid and says – “Hey little fella, pick up that Pepsi can you just threw on the sidewalk” and pat comes the reply - “Look who’s talking……..its the empty-beer-bottles-in-the-front-lawn guy………how’s THAT situation coming along Mr. Spick-n-span?”.
A woman in Oregon who called 911 to get "the cutest cop I've seen" has been arrested on charges of misuse of the emergency dispatch system. Come on, let’s be reasonable. She probably had this party she needed to go to and was stood up by her boyfriend at the last minute. If this isn’t an emergency, then what is? Just cut her some slack. The term ‘Emergency’ is very subjective and can be interpreted in more ways than one.
A 13-year-old boy spent about $2 million from a school computer buying a helicopter, a jet and other items over the Internet using a password belonging to a friend's mother. Can you imagine the look on the woman’s face when she gets her credit card bill at the end of the month? She would be like – “Let me have a look………Shoes-100 dollars……..fine……..microwave – 35 dollars………cool……….Helicopter – 1.5 million dollars............what!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! When did I buy that? I don’t recall buying that…….let me check this again…………..no way………..you GOTTO be kidding me.
A patient in Dallas who was wearing an oxygen mask tried to light a cigarette in his hospital room, sparking a fire that forced the evacuation of more than 100 patients, destroyed the room and melted medical equipment, officials said.…..I wonder why he was in the hospital in the first place……..hopefully not for lung cancer…… he seems to be doing himself no favors whatsoever in the treatment process so far.
A German scientist has created the world's smallest soccer pitch — so minute that 20,000 of them could fit onto the tip of a human hair. Wow…..that’s just amazing. But too bad for Ronaldo. I don’t think he will fit inside this stadium. He has trouble getting into the normal ones these days with all the excess fat. This is just off-limits for him.
A 61-year-old German on trial for theft got himself into more trouble when he stole a bunch of keys from the judge during his court hearing, police said. I am not a genius or something but is this really the best way to suck up to the guy who has your fate in his hands? Can you imagine the Judge about to rule in this guy’s favor? ‘The court hereby declares the defendant as not guilty……….hey!!! Wait a minute…..where the hell is my hammer…….I can’t do this without my hammer…….and what is that bulge in the defendant’s pants?......... I just hope it’s not what I think it is ………or there will be hell to pay for…….
An official in charge of controlling litter in Youngstown, Ohio has been accused of littering up his own property. How embarrassing is that? Now, everyone in the town knows…….This guy goes up to a kid and says – “Hey little fella, pick up that Pepsi can you just threw on the sidewalk” and pat comes the reply - “Look who’s talking……..its the empty-beer-bottles-in-the-front-lawn guy………how’s THAT situation coming along Mr. Spick-n-span?”.
A woman in Oregon who called 911 to get "the cutest cop I've seen" has been arrested on charges of misuse of the emergency dispatch system. Come on, let’s be reasonable. She probably had this party she needed to go to and was stood up by her boyfriend at the last minute. If this isn’t an emergency, then what is? Just cut her some slack. The term ‘Emergency’ is very subjective and can be interpreted in more ways than one.
A 13-year-old boy spent about $2 million from a school computer buying a helicopter, a jet and other items over the Internet using a password belonging to a friend's mother. Can you imagine the look on the woman’s face when she gets her credit card bill at the end of the month? She would be like – “Let me have a look………Shoes-100 dollars……..fine……..microwave – 35 dollars………cool……….Helicopter – 1.5 million dollars............what!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! When did I buy that? I don’t recall buying that…….let me check this again…………..no way………..you GOTTO be kidding me.
