Surely You Gotto be Kidding Me !
Friday, July 28, 2006
Headlines : 28th July, Friday
Today, Manmohan Singh had a bad scare. He woke up in the morning and was shocked to find a boy and 2 drunken air-hostesses sharing the bed with him.
That’s right. This is the big news right now. A boy and 2 girls driving a car managed to get into the PM's residence following some shoddy work by the security guards outside. Forget the Mumbai railways, how about having better security for the Prime Minister of our country first?
The three youngsters later explained to the police that all they wanted to do was meet the Prime Minister and discuss some issues. How stupid are they? If they wanted to meet the PM, what were they doing at Manmohan's residence? Sonia Gandhi's house was all the way across the street.
Consider this. How de-motivating must this be for the Lashkar-e-Taiba? They take all the trouble of planning for months to assassinate the PM when all they had to do was turn up drunk in a car and request for an unscheduled appointment. They must be kicking themselves.
On top of this, President Abdul Kalam is going to be visiting J&K in the next two days. I don't want to be pessimistic but if our security services are going to be as ineffective as this, we might as well declare Monday a national holiday and start the mourning process rightaway.
The Indo-US nuclear deal agreement. LK Advani has made a statement that the deal is not in India's interests. This confirms it. The deal is definitely in India's (read Congress') interests and therefore against BJP's interests.
Another shocking scandal. Tour De France winner Floyd Landis has failed a drugs today and may be stripped of his medal. Wait............Let me correct myself. This is NOT at all shocking. Totally normal. A Tour deFrance winner without drug abuse? What would happen to the great tradition?
When asked about this, Landis' request to the press was - 'I would like to be assumed innocent until proven guilty'. (He will be taking another test next week). I am sorry dude, but that’s not how it works in the Tour de France. Here, you are assumed guilty until proven innocent.
The Al Qaeda have released a tape warning that they will not stand by idly and watch the Israelis bomb Lebanon. Of course not. The poor guys are feeling left out. All these missiles and rockets and bombings........its all too tempting for the Al Qaeda.......they want a piece of the action too........this is their thing!!!!
American Idol winner Taylor Hicks will be meeting with President Bush at the White House tomorrow. Hmmm.........is this is what Bush needs right now? Hanging around guys who have a higher approval rating than him? (Hicks got more than 40 million votes during the final episode of the show).
This shows that writers often say stupid things. Famous author Paolo Coelho of 'The Alchemist' fame has come out and said that football and events like the World Cup will re-unite the world again. Really? I don’t know if he was living in some other planet, but I have two words for him - Zizou. Head-butting.
Big heat wave in California right now. It was so hot in the day that Jay Leno actually taped the Tonight Show during the night for once.
That’s right. This is the big news right now. A boy and 2 girls driving a car managed to get into the PM's residence following some shoddy work by the security guards outside. Forget the Mumbai railways, how about having better security for the Prime Minister of our country first?
The three youngsters later explained to the police that all they wanted to do was meet the Prime Minister and discuss some issues. How stupid are they? If they wanted to meet the PM, what were they doing at Manmohan's residence? Sonia Gandhi's house was all the way across the street.
Consider this. How de-motivating must this be for the Lashkar-e-Taiba? They take all the trouble of planning for months to assassinate the PM when all they had to do was turn up drunk in a car and request for an unscheduled appointment. They must be kicking themselves.
On top of this, President Abdul Kalam is going to be visiting J&K in the next two days. I don't want to be pessimistic but if our security services are going to be as ineffective as this, we might as well declare Monday a national holiday and start the mourning process rightaway.
The Indo-US nuclear deal agreement. LK Advani has made a statement that the deal is not in India's interests. This confirms it. The deal is definitely in India's (read Congress') interests and therefore against BJP's interests.
Another shocking scandal. Tour De France winner Floyd Landis has failed a drugs today and may be stripped of his medal. Wait............Let me correct myself. This is NOT at all shocking. Totally normal. A Tour deFrance winner without drug abuse? What would happen to the great tradition?
When asked about this, Landis' request to the press was - 'I would like to be assumed innocent until proven guilty'. (He will be taking another test next week). I am sorry dude, but that’s not how it works in the Tour de France. Here, you are assumed guilty until proven innocent.
The Al Qaeda have released a tape warning that they will not stand by idly and watch the Israelis bomb Lebanon. Of course not. The poor guys are feeling left out. All these missiles and rockets and bombings........its all too tempting for the Al Qaeda.......they want a piece of the action too........this is their thing!!!!
American Idol winner Taylor Hicks will be meeting with President Bush at the White House tomorrow. Hmmm.........is this is what Bush needs right now? Hanging around guys who have a higher approval rating than him? (Hicks got more than 40 million votes during the final episode of the show).
This shows that writers often say stupid things. Famous author Paolo Coelho of 'The Alchemist' fame has come out and said that football and events like the World Cup will re-unite the world again. Really? I don’t know if he was living in some other planet, but I have two words for him - Zizou. Head-butting.
Big heat wave in California right now. It was so hot in the day that Jay Leno actually taped the Tonight Show during the night for once.
Wednesday, July 26, 2006
Headlines : 26th July, Wednesday
A humid and sultry day in Chennai. People were sweating like a US ‘mole’ stuck for three days in a 50-foot pit.
Speaking of which, Jaswant Singh is hogging the headlines claiming that he knew of a US ‘mole’ in the cabinet during PV Narasimha Rao’s regime. So there was a traitor in the cabinet. Big deal. A corrupt politician? Someone who sells his country for money in the government? Yeah, we have never had THAT before in this country…….
And why not? How difficult would it have been? Have you seen Narasimha Rao at work? The guy was half-asleep all the time. All that a spy had to do was dress himself in whites and learn a few expletives. And he would be right at home with the others in the cabinet.
Update on the Mumbai blasts. Three local residents of Maharashtra have now offered to help in the probe. They don’t have any clues or suspects or any clear idea as to how to proceed further. But they still want to be part of the investigations. Which is perfect. They fit right in with the Mumbai police.
Two cops in J & K have been arrested for allegedly helping Lashkar-e-Taiba terrorists. I am actually happy on hearing this. We know that we are on our way to winning the war on terror when the terrorists are so desperate that they need help from OUR jawans.
More bad news. 4 UN observers in Beirut were killed when an Israeli bomb went off in their vicinity. This was in spite of them making several warning calls to Israel about their presence there. Unfortunately, this is what happens if you are a member of the UN - no one listens to you!!
Germany is going to open to researchers an archive of Nazi files that describe how the Holocaust was carried out on the Jews. What great timing.........as if the Israelis are not mad enough already...........look at them having a go at Beirut with all those missiles!!!!!!
Saddam Hussein has requested the court to shoot him with a firing squad if he was found guilty (instead of being hung like a common prisoner). To this, George Bush’s response was – ‘Who needs a firing squad to shoot him? Just send Cheney over there…….’
Bush and the Iraqi President have agreed to move more troops to Baghdad and strengthen the capital. I guess they know the overall situation is pretty much hopeless.........why not try and control just Baghdad for the time being? Let’s start with that and try it to keep it down to under 4 blasts aday in the city - thats the short-term target.
Yesterday, Dilbert creator Scott Adams and his fiancé Shelley Mines said their 'I Do's in a yacht in San Francisco, California. Well, who would have ever thought that one would use the words Dilbert and 'I Do' in the same sentence?
The following articles by Vishwa : -)
A dude sms -ed his way into records book by sending 5.5 lakh messages with an average of 1 message every 5 seconds. He even sent many such SMS to TRAI people, but they being government officials never picked up their phone. The frequency of SMS made the sms alert sound like ringtone.
Talking of SMS, it is likely that you may stumble across one of those SMS of DPS genre. The only difference being this can be a bit from some Mallu porn movie and the actors being the chief priest of shabarimala. Coincidentally Jayamala said it was the crowd that pushed her into this act.
Guess India's national game. It is 20 questions. Let us wait and see whether our PM succeeds in finding out the famous personality… or the infamous mole rather.
Nepal's king has found a new way to empty the national treasury, which even Laloo didn't come across. Online gambling. But what he doesn't know is that Clinton was on the other side and wanted to king to bet on Maneisha Koirala.
Speaking of which, Jaswant Singh is hogging the headlines claiming that he knew of a US ‘mole’ in the cabinet during PV Narasimha Rao’s regime. So there was a traitor in the cabinet. Big deal. A corrupt politician? Someone who sells his country for money in the government? Yeah, we have never had THAT before in this country…….
And why not? How difficult would it have been? Have you seen Narasimha Rao at work? The guy was half-asleep all the time. All that a spy had to do was dress himself in whites and learn a few expletives. And he would be right at home with the others in the cabinet.
Update on the Mumbai blasts. Three local residents of Maharashtra have now offered to help in the probe. They don’t have any clues or suspects or any clear idea as to how to proceed further. But they still want to be part of the investigations. Which is perfect. They fit right in with the Mumbai police.
Two cops in J & K have been arrested for allegedly helping Lashkar-e-Taiba terrorists. I am actually happy on hearing this. We know that we are on our way to winning the war on terror when the terrorists are so desperate that they need help from OUR jawans.
More bad news. 4 UN observers in Beirut were killed when an Israeli bomb went off in their vicinity. This was in spite of them making several warning calls to Israel about their presence there. Unfortunately, this is what happens if you are a member of the UN - no one listens to you!!
Germany is going to open to researchers an archive of Nazi files that describe how the Holocaust was carried out on the Jews. What great timing.........as if the Israelis are not mad enough already...........look at them having a go at Beirut with all those missiles!!!!!!
Saddam Hussein has requested the court to shoot him with a firing squad if he was found guilty (instead of being hung like a common prisoner). To this, George Bush’s response was – ‘Who needs a firing squad to shoot him? Just send Cheney over there…….’
Bush and the Iraqi President have agreed to move more troops to Baghdad and strengthen the capital. I guess they know the overall situation is pretty much hopeless.........why not try and control just Baghdad for the time being? Let’s start with that and try it to keep it down to under 4 blasts aday in the city - thats the short-term target.
Yesterday, Dilbert creator Scott Adams and his fiancé Shelley Mines said their 'I Do's in a yacht in San Francisco, California. Well, who would have ever thought that one would use the words Dilbert and 'I Do' in the same sentence?
The following articles by Vishwa : -)
A dude sms -ed his way into records book by sending 5.5 lakh messages with an average of 1 message every 5 seconds. He even sent many such SMS to TRAI people, but they being government officials never picked up their phone. The frequency of SMS made the sms alert sound like ringtone.
Talking of SMS, it is likely that you may stumble across one of those SMS of DPS genre. The only difference being this can be a bit from some Mallu porn movie and the actors being the chief priest of shabarimala. Coincidentally Jayamala said it was the crowd that pushed her into this act.
Guess India's national game. It is 20 questions. Let us wait and see whether our PM succeeds in finding out the famous personality… or the infamous mole rather.
Nepal's king has found a new way to empty the national treasury, which even Laloo didn't come across. Online gambling. But what he doesn't know is that Clinton was on the other side and wanted to king to bet on Maneisha Koirala.
Monday, July 24, 2006
Headlines : 24th July, Monday
Today, I saw an unusual Wanted Ad in the newspaper. It said – ‘Guys with any kind of experience in handling a gun wanted. Preferably with some brains. Your criminal record will not be held against you. Guaranteed’. It was an ad run by the Mumbai police.
That’s right. In a last ditch effort, the Mumbai police is recruiting some of its suspended officers with notorious reputations to help them with the investigations. You know what this means? The guys we have right now are the good ones!!!!!
The boy ‘Prince’ who was stuck in the pit since Friday was finally rescued. Its odd but the first thing he asked on coming out of the pit was – ‘Is Sachin playing in the tour of Sri Lanka or not?’
It was a harrowing experience for the boy. For over two days, he was stuck in a dark hole all alone. He was fed with biscuits and fruits sent down with a rope and spent most of his time crying. Basically, the same thing that Saddam Hussein went through days before he was captured by the US troops.
Speaking of whom, Saddam is now in hospital following his hunger strike which lasted over 2 weeks. Apparently, he did not like the prison food which mainly consisted of dry oats, diluted milk, carrots and water all the time. Hey! – If it’s good enough for a supermodel, it’s good enough for a guy in jail.
In a related subject, the contestant from Puerto Rico who won the Miss Universe crown spectacularly fainted on stage and was carried away to the hospital. What happened was the one of the judges asked her about the person she most admires and would like to emulate…. APART FROM MOTHER THERESA!!!!
She was totally unprepared for this last minute change in plans and fainted while desperately trying to think up some other name.
U.S. Secretary of State Condoleezza Rice is in Lebanon on an unannounced trip to show that the US is concerned about the situation. Wow…..you can rest assured that things are not in good shape if the US feels that things need to calm down a bit.
Initially, the homeless and starving people in Beirut were told that the US is sending rice over to Lebanon. Only on hindsight did they realize that they were duped – it was not food supplies that would be arriving later that day.
Back to India. In a CNN-IBN poll, it has been found that more than 52 percent of the people feel that Manmohan has done a good job as PM but Sonia Gandhi would have done better. Worryingly, Manmohan Singh is one among the 52 percent who think so!!!
Even worse, he only emerged as the fourth favourite among poll participants as to whom they thought was the best candidate to be the PM right now. He was behind Sonia, Krrish and Mahendra Singh Dhoni.
Microsoft is now developing its own digital music player to rival the Apple I-pod by year end. If the Windows Vista development process is anything to go by, Steve Jobs has nothing to worry about for the next three years.
That’s right. In a last ditch effort, the Mumbai police is recruiting some of its suspended officers with notorious reputations to help them with the investigations. You know what this means? The guys we have right now are the good ones!!!!!
The boy ‘Prince’ who was stuck in the pit since Friday was finally rescued. Its odd but the first thing he asked on coming out of the pit was – ‘Is Sachin playing in the tour of Sri Lanka or not?’
It was a harrowing experience for the boy. For over two days, he was stuck in a dark hole all alone. He was fed with biscuits and fruits sent down with a rope and spent most of his time crying. Basically, the same thing that Saddam Hussein went through days before he was captured by the US troops.
Speaking of whom, Saddam is now in hospital following his hunger strike which lasted over 2 weeks. Apparently, he did not like the prison food which mainly consisted of dry oats, diluted milk, carrots and water all the time. Hey! – If it’s good enough for a supermodel, it’s good enough for a guy in jail.
In a related subject, the contestant from Puerto Rico who won the Miss Universe crown spectacularly fainted on stage and was carried away to the hospital. What happened was the one of the judges asked her about the person she most admires and would like to emulate…. APART FROM MOTHER THERESA!!!!
She was totally unprepared for this last minute change in plans and fainted while desperately trying to think up some other name.
U.S. Secretary of State Condoleezza Rice is in Lebanon on an unannounced trip to show that the US is concerned about the situation. Wow…..you can rest assured that things are not in good shape if the US feels that things need to calm down a bit.
Initially, the homeless and starving people in Beirut were told that the US is sending rice over to Lebanon. Only on hindsight did they realize that they were duped – it was not food supplies that would be arriving later that day.
Back to India. In a CNN-IBN poll, it has been found that more than 52 percent of the people feel that Manmohan has done a good job as PM but Sonia Gandhi would have done better. Worryingly, Manmohan Singh is one among the 52 percent who think so!!!
Even worse, he only emerged as the fourth favourite among poll participants as to whom they thought was the best candidate to be the PM right now. He was behind Sonia, Krrish and Mahendra Singh Dhoni.
Microsoft is now developing its own digital music player to rival the Apple I-pod by year end. If the Windows Vista development process is anything to go by, Steve Jobs has nothing to worry about for the next three years.
Sunday, July 23, 2006
Week in Review : 23rd June, Sunday
Hello people….am back. If you couldn’t view this page last week, it’s probably because of the Indian Govt.’s bizarre decision to block blogger.com. (Also, you may not have had an internet connection, which can have the same effect).
The reason for this mindless initiative was supposedly to prevent terrorists involved in the Bombay blasts from communicating with each other through blogs. Looks as if the plan worked…….no blasts in the last 3 days!!!!
There was uproar in the country from citizens who felt that the right to free speech and expression was being curtailed by this move. They even raised a formal protest with the Prime Minister. Makes prefect sense. If there is one person who knows what it is to be without the freedom of free speech and expression right now, it is Manmohan Singh.
When he heard about this, even Zinadine Zidane agreed that this was a remarkably foolish and outrageous thing to have done!!!! :-)))
Let’s review what else happened this week………
The Bombay blasts investigation is going on. We have arrested around 4 people so far. More then 200 killed and just 4 arrests after 10 days? Is this the best they can do? I am sorry to say this but the Bombay police definitely showed far greater agility and interest in the Rakhi Sawant - Mika lip biting episode.
And more disappointment. A high profile Lashker-e-Taiba terrorist named Tunda arrested in Kenya turned out to be some other guy. The Kenyan police are embarrassed at raising a false alarm. On the plus side, it is comforting to note that there are police far sloppier and inefficient than ours out there.
Israel is now into a full fledged war with the Hezbollah in Lebanon. It’s just been raining missiles and bombs in Beirut. The city is all blood and gore – In fact, Quentin Tarantino is actually considering making his next movie there.
The war in Lebanon has been going on for around two weeks now with no end in sight. So much so that yesterday, American Vice President Dick Cheney said – ‘This is taking far too long if you ask me….even by OUR standards…..’
The only people happy that Israel is in Lebanon are the Palestinian Hamas. They are getting a much-deserved break from all the action for the time being….
Following all the bombings in Lebanon, several hundred Indians have made their way back to India in the last few days. And why not? It’s not like we have been having any major bombing incidents here in this country…..it’s been all quiet and peaceful here recently, isn’t it?
Something unusual. A young boy named ‘Prince’ has been stuck in a 50-feet deep pit in Kurukshetra, Haryana since Friday. Wow……. If memory serves me right, the last prince who got himself into a deeper hole in Kurukshetra was Duryodhana all those years ago…..
This was on TV the whole day……..It’s been more than 48 hours and we still can’t rescue a child from a pit in this modern age? Who is in charge of the operation? FEMA??
Tiger Woods is on the verge of winning the British Open Championships today. You know what’s the difference between Woods and the kid ‘Prince’?
The kid is the one in the hole while Woods is hoping for a hole-in-one.
Yesterday, George Bush was watching the Tour de France and went – ‘Damn!!!.... Those oil prices are way too high all right. Look at all these people on the roads in their bi-cycles…’
Speaking of whom, Bush was involved in a sex scandal at the G-8 summit. He was caught on tape giving a back rub to the German Chancellor Angela Merkel when she was least expecting it. When Bill Clinton saw this on CNN, he admiringly remarked – ‘Classy move….’
A microphone also picked up President Bush swearing with a mouth full of food while talking to British Prime Minister Tony Blair at the Summit. When the press asked him why he used that particular expletive, his reply was – ‘I did no such thing. All I said was ‘shit’. Nothing too explosive about that…..’
The reason for this mindless initiative was supposedly to prevent terrorists involved in the Bombay blasts from communicating with each other through blogs. Looks as if the plan worked…….no blasts in the last 3 days!!!!
There was uproar in the country from citizens who felt that the right to free speech and expression was being curtailed by this move. They even raised a formal protest with the Prime Minister. Makes prefect sense. If there is one person who knows what it is to be without the freedom of free speech and expression right now, it is Manmohan Singh.
When he heard about this, even Zinadine Zidane agreed that this was a remarkably foolish and outrageous thing to have done!!!! :-)))
Let’s review what else happened this week………
The Bombay blasts investigation is going on. We have arrested around 4 people so far. More then 200 killed and just 4 arrests after 10 days? Is this the best they can do? I am sorry to say this but the Bombay police definitely showed far greater agility and interest in the Rakhi Sawant - Mika lip biting episode.
And more disappointment. A high profile Lashker-e-Taiba terrorist named Tunda arrested in Kenya turned out to be some other guy. The Kenyan police are embarrassed at raising a false alarm. On the plus side, it is comforting to note that there are police far sloppier and inefficient than ours out there.
Israel is now into a full fledged war with the Hezbollah in Lebanon. It’s just been raining missiles and bombs in Beirut. The city is all blood and gore – In fact, Quentin Tarantino is actually considering making his next movie there.
The war in Lebanon has been going on for around two weeks now with no end in sight. So much so that yesterday, American Vice President Dick Cheney said – ‘This is taking far too long if you ask me….even by OUR standards…..’
The only people happy that Israel is in Lebanon are the Palestinian Hamas. They are getting a much-deserved break from all the action for the time being….
Following all the bombings in Lebanon, several hundred Indians have made their way back to India in the last few days. And why not? It’s not like we have been having any major bombing incidents here in this country…..it’s been all quiet and peaceful here recently, isn’t it?
Something unusual. A young boy named ‘Prince’ has been stuck in a 50-feet deep pit in Kurukshetra, Haryana since Friday. Wow……. If memory serves me right, the last prince who got himself into a deeper hole in Kurukshetra was Duryodhana all those years ago…..
This was on TV the whole day……..It’s been more than 48 hours and we still can’t rescue a child from a pit in this modern age? Who is in charge of the operation? FEMA??
Tiger Woods is on the verge of winning the British Open Championships today. You know what’s the difference between Woods and the kid ‘Prince’?
The kid is the one in the hole while Woods is hoping for a hole-in-one.
Yesterday, George Bush was watching the Tour de France and went – ‘Damn!!!.... Those oil prices are way too high all right. Look at all these people on the roads in their bi-cycles…’
Speaking of whom, Bush was involved in a sex scandal at the G-8 summit. He was caught on tape giving a back rub to the German Chancellor Angela Merkel when she was least expecting it. When Bill Clinton saw this on CNN, he admiringly remarked – ‘Classy move….’
A microphone also picked up President Bush swearing with a mouth full of food while talking to British Prime Minister Tony Blair at the Summit. When the press asked him why he used that particular expletive, his reply was – ‘I did no such thing. All I said was ‘shit’. Nothing too explosive about that…..’
