This blog will attempt to highlight the humourous aspects of actual news stories and events from around the world. The contents can be funny,stupid,bizzare and sometimes downright disturbing. Hopefully, it will be more interesting than anything you are likely to read in THE HINDU editorial column.

Surely You Gotto be Kidding Me !

Tuesday, February 05, 2008

Headlines : February 6th, 2008

Big news!! Shah Rukh Khan will soon host his next reality show which will be on the lines of the US-based show, Are You Smarter than a 5th Grader. His first guest will be Raj Thackeray.

Raj Thackeray’s incendiary remarks. He accused Amitabh Bachchan and his family of making their money in Maharashtra but deciding to spend it elsewhere. The Bachchan family was not available for comment since they were away in Jaipur (Rajasthan) to lavishly celebrate Abhishek’s 32nd birthday.

Amitabh Bachchan has taken the moral high ground by refusing to take any action against Raj Thackeray. He is not going to lodge a police complaint or move him to court or try and get the MNS activists behind bars. Amar Singh will take care of all that.

The Govt has serious concerns over BJP leader LK Advani's security, who is planning on a series of rallies nationwide. They reckon more people in the country are keen on bombing him than listening to him.

The kidney scam. Key accused Amit Kumar in deeper trouble. It now emerges that Doctor Kumar had political connections apart from underhand links with the local police. Even the BCCI concedes it can’t save him now.

Tech news. Transcend has announced its latest MP3 player, the T.sonic 850. It sports a 1.8-inches full-color screen, and up to 8GB storage capacity. The tag-line for the product is – Handy for 'Transcend'ental Meditation.

Speaking of which, Maharishi Mahesh Yogi has passed away at the age of 91. He was best known for being the guru of the Beatles and the Beach Boys. And for making TM a TM.

"Being happy is of the utmost importance. Under all circumstances be happy ..." – was the Maharishi’s message. I had no idea Nicolas Sarkozy was his disciple too.

The Maharishi was born in Madhya Pradesh but went on to spread his TM concept worldwide since 1958. “No comments” said a grim-faced Raj Thackeray.

Heading into Super Tuesday, opinion polls reveal that Hillary Clinton and Barack Obama are pretty much neck to neck. That’s closer than Bill ever got to her in the last 10 years.

Elections will be taking place in more than 22 states with huge crowds expected to turn up for voting. Not as huge as the ones for American Idol auditions. But huge nevertheless.

An egg was thrown at Muralitharan from a guy in a passing car which hit the spinner on his back. Murali was impressed and angry at the same time. He realized that he was no more the only expert at chucking spherical objects from impossible angles at people.

Reports say that when he was on a tour to India in 2002, cricketer Shoaib Malik secretly married and abandoned a Hyderabadi girl named Ayesha. The words Pakistani Skipper assume a whole new meaning in this context.

A new study at the University of Helsinki shows that women take more sick leave than men. And not just when they are in bed, the researchers pointed out.

Monday, February 04, 2008

Headlines : February 4th, 2008

It’s official now. Nicolas Sarkozy is the new Sultan of Bruni (pardon the pun). In fact, he was as rich as the other Sultan of Brunei till he started paying those alimony cheques to his ex-wives.

Public reaction to Carlo Bruni has been mixed. She is an ex-supermodel and singer with a long list of past boyfriends. She was even portrayed in the French media as someone “beautiful and bionic, with an immobile face, as if sculpted in wax". No wait, that was Arnold Schwarzenegger. Not her.

But since the announcement of the wedding, Sarkozy’s popularity has dipped considerably. In fact, experts say that his poll ratings are plunging as low as Carlo Bruni’s neckline.

India had a disruption of internet service last week as a result of breaks in three vital undersea Internet cables. So Yahoo! Search was slower than usual though Microsoft had not even bought the company yet.

The 45 billion dollar deal in the offing that has stunned the internet world. The last time Steve Ballmer offered that kind of money for a merger was when he asked his wife to marry him.

Raj Thackeray in the news. His offensive against North Indians and Amitabh Bachchan led to his Maharashtra Navnirman Sena (MNS) activists turning to violence in Mumbai. Looks like MNS actually stands for Mindless Numb-Skulls.

Raj Thackeray accused Amitabh Bachchan of making his money in Maharashstra but deciding to do things elsewhere in India. In his defense, at least Amitabh never paid taxes anywhere.

The cold spell continued in Bombay with the coldest Feb 1st recorded in the last 48 years. Little wonder that the bulls have gone AWOL and the bears are ruling at the Sensex.

With a backlog of 30 million court cases, Prathiba Patil feels that the law needs to change. She says that there is the need for dispensing quick justice without too much emphasis on protocol and formality. She is going to hand over the situation to the BCCI.

Speaking of courts, the Supreme Court rejected a petition seeking action against Narayana Murthy for allegedly insulting the national anthem by playing its instrumental version. The court ruled that instrumental versions were OK as long as it was not played by Saif Ali Khan.

So what’s with Saif Ali Khan and his guitar and his stupid stage shows?? If Mumbai-ites wanted to see tired old men on cocaine pretending to be hep rock stars, they would go see the Iron Maiden concert instead.

The government may raise petrol price by Rs 2 per litre and diesel by Re 1 per litre this week. Ratan Tata has now promised to work on making petrol that only costs 3 Rs/litre.

In a new study, Italian Urologist Dr. Maria Cerruto suggested that wearing stilettos can improve an average woman’s sex life. But only if you already have a boyfriend, she quickly clarified.