Surely You Gotto be Kidding Me !
Friday, July 14, 2006
Headlines : 14th July, Friday
Another hot day in Chennai. People were sweating like the Mumbai police Commissioner answering media queries about the bombings.
The Police made their first big move in the Mumbai bombing case. They have arrested John Abraham when he was out partying with his girlfriend Bipasha. He has been charged with being in pocession of a sex bomb.
But seriously, its been two days since the incident and there's hardly been any progress. But then ,do any of us really expect the police to catch the people responsible for all this? That would shake up the country more than the actual bombings, wouldn't it? You tell someone - ' There was a bombing incident in Place A - more than 400 dead'. 'Oh, really? ' *Yawn.* And then - ' The police managed to catch the culprits today'. 'What !!!!!!!!! No way.....must be some mistake.......you are kidding right? Please tell me you are kidding............this cant be happening'.
Pak President Pervez Musharraf has promised to give all the assistance he can. Not for us. To the terrorists. He was the one who sponsored their flight tickets to Bombay in the first place.
You know, it must be tough being the Pak President. Each time you have to act all sad and surprised when there are bombings in India. His mouth is saying ' My sincere condolences to the Indian people' while his mind is thinking ' Just wait for the Delhi fireworks next month, you fools !! '.
Today our PM Manmohan Singh was in Mumbai. You know, he is one person who is not bothered that the people in Mumbai are supposedly very rude. He's faced much worse during UPA meetings......much worse. He's used to it by now. Totally immune.
He said at a press conference that the peace process is stalled as long as Pakisan continues to support the terrorists. Peace process - lets see.......We had the Mumbai blasts yesterday - a day earlier we had 4 blasts in kashmir - last month we had the Ahmedabad RDX explosions ...........
Is it just me or is the phrase 'peace process' supposed to indicate the opposite trend?
A lot has been made of the fact that the explosions took place from 6.00 - 6. 30 PM, which is supposedly the peak hours. With more than 400 people crammed into each tiny compartment. On the other hand, had the explosions taken place at 11.00 PM in the night........there would still be 400 people in those compartments. Who are we kidding? Lets face it, its always jam-packed in Mumbai.
The Stock markets are down again. Obviously with the bombings and all. I guess this is not the kind of 'boom' in the economy investors were looking for.
But you know what's the difference between the Sensex and Rahul Mahajan?
Rahul will get high again in the near future.
The Israel madness. The Israelis are now bombing both Lebanon and Palestine. The reason ? To save that one soldier of theirs who has been abducted. When he heard this, George Bush was like - ' Hey, even I managed to come up with a better excuse when we invaded another country.............'
The Police made their first big move in the Mumbai bombing case. They have arrested John Abraham when he was out partying with his girlfriend Bipasha. He has been charged with being in pocession of a sex bomb.
But seriously, its been two days since the incident and there's hardly been any progress. But then ,do any of us really expect the police to catch the people responsible for all this? That would shake up the country more than the actual bombings, wouldn't it? You tell someone - ' There was a bombing incident in Place A - more than 400 dead'. 'Oh, really? ' *Yawn.* And then - ' The police managed to catch the culprits today'. 'What !!!!!!!!! No way.....must be some mistake.......you are kidding right? Please tell me you are kidding............this cant be happening'.
Pak President Pervez Musharraf has promised to give all the assistance he can. Not for us. To the terrorists. He was the one who sponsored their flight tickets to Bombay in the first place.
You know, it must be tough being the Pak President. Each time you have to act all sad and surprised when there are bombings in India. His mouth is saying ' My sincere condolences to the Indian people' while his mind is thinking ' Just wait for the Delhi fireworks next month, you fools !! '.
Today our PM Manmohan Singh was in Mumbai. You know, he is one person who is not bothered that the people in Mumbai are supposedly very rude. He's faced much worse during UPA meetings......much worse. He's used to it by now. Totally immune.
He said at a press conference that the peace process is stalled as long as Pakisan continues to support the terrorists. Peace process - lets see.......We had the Mumbai blasts yesterday - a day earlier we had 4 blasts in kashmir - last month we had the Ahmedabad RDX explosions ...........
Is it just me or is the phrase 'peace process' supposed to indicate the opposite trend?
A lot has been made of the fact that the explosions took place from 6.00 - 6. 30 PM, which is supposedly the peak hours. With more than 400 people crammed into each tiny compartment. On the other hand, had the explosions taken place at 11.00 PM in the night........there would still be 400 people in those compartments. Who are we kidding? Lets face it, its always jam-packed in Mumbai.
The Stock markets are down again. Obviously with the bombings and all. I guess this is not the kind of 'boom' in the economy investors were looking for.
But you know what's the difference between the Sensex and Rahul Mahajan?
Rahul will get high again in the near future.
The Israel madness. The Israelis are now bombing both Lebanon and Palestine. The reason ? To save that one soldier of theirs who has been abducted. When he heard this, George Bush was like - ' Hey, even I managed to come up with a better excuse when we invaded another country.............'
Thursday, July 13, 2006
Headlines : 13th July, Thursday
The good news first. Mumbai is back on its feet. The city has shown remarkable strength of spirit and character. Today, people were carrying on with their daily lives as if nothing had happened. Must have been a slap in the face of the terrorists who orchestrated these explosions. Those bastards are probably thinking - 'How rude !!!'
Even more amazingly, kids in Mumbai were all back in school the very next day. That's right. For one thing, they preferred listening to boring lessons in Algebra rather than sit at home and watch the million (so-called) News Channels play the gory images of people dying over and over again.
Our PM Manmohan Singh has saluted the people of Mumbai and the sense of friendship and togetherness they expressed during the tragedy. Afterall, if there is one person who knows what it is like to be without friends right now, it is our Prime Minister.
Sonia was in Mumbai to offer her support. She condemned those who carried out this dastardly act. She said - "Why can't the terrorists just blow up people in Kashmir as usual? That’s the agreement, isn't it? They can have their fun in Kashmir and no one has any issues.........Now they want to start doing it all over the country? This cannot be pardoned."
Lalu Yadav has offered to anything he can do to help. That’s sweet. But is that what we need at this juncture? Lalu fooling around out with the investigation and relief operations? Incidentally, this is the biggest disaster to happen to the Indian Railways since Lalu Prasad took over as the Railway Minster.
As expected, the Mumbai police have no idea who is behind these attacks. So far, their suspects include the ever-present Lashkar-e-Taiba and an old man found commuting ticketless in the Ladies compartment.
Finance Minister P Chidambaram has assured everyone that the blasts will definitely not pull the economy down. Of course, not. His shoddy economic policies and the constant bickering from the Congress' allies have taken care of that already.
The Israelis must be crazy. They are now bombing Lebanon as well as Palestine for that one soldier. More and more violence. What’s wrong with these Jews? I am starting to wonder if Hitler was right all along…….
A refreshing change in the behaviour of members of the TN Assembly today. There was no throwing of mikes or slippers. They were just head-butting the hell out of each other.
Zidane has now apologised for his infamous head-butting incident. Especially to the millions of children who were watching the world cup on TV. All that’s fine but isn’t he forgetting the millions of children who are seeing the clip on Youtube ? And the millions of children who got it through e-mail forwards? And the children watching the repeat telecast on ESPN at the Neverland ranch?
Entertainment news. 'The Pirates of the Caribbean' have done well all around the world and made millions of dollars. But the sad part. When they tried to come to India, they got hit by a falling ISRO satellite and sunk without a trace into the Bay of Bengal.
The following articles by Boston :-)
It is again one of those hopeless losers bombing innocent civilians in trains again, never realising that killing people is not going to change anything!
Why don’t these guys try something innovative, like blowing up the Railway minister if someone is unhappy about Indian Railways, Education Minister for a better Education system, Petroleum minister for lower fuel prices and blow up the Defense minister if he keeps blowing up the satellites. The good thing is the new minister who replaces these dead ones is sure not to commit a mistake for life!
Michael Dell's stress on an explosive growth for his company has confused the company's stakeholders with a recent incident where a Dell Laptop exploded Obviously, Mr. Dell was "being true to his words".
Even more amazingly, kids in Mumbai were all back in school the very next day. That's right. For one thing, they preferred listening to boring lessons in Algebra rather than sit at home and watch the million (so-called) News Channels play the gory images of people dying over and over again.
Our PM Manmohan Singh has saluted the people of Mumbai and the sense of friendship and togetherness they expressed during the tragedy. Afterall, if there is one person who knows what it is like to be without friends right now, it is our Prime Minister.
Sonia was in Mumbai to offer her support. She condemned those who carried out this dastardly act. She said - "Why can't the terrorists just blow up people in Kashmir as usual? That’s the agreement, isn't it? They can have their fun in Kashmir and no one has any issues.........Now they want to start doing it all over the country? This cannot be pardoned."
Lalu Yadav has offered to anything he can do to help. That’s sweet. But is that what we need at this juncture? Lalu fooling around out with the investigation and relief operations? Incidentally, this is the biggest disaster to happen to the Indian Railways since Lalu Prasad took over as the Railway Minster.
As expected, the Mumbai police have no idea who is behind these attacks. So far, their suspects include the ever-present Lashkar-e-Taiba and an old man found commuting ticketless in the Ladies compartment.
Finance Minister P Chidambaram has assured everyone that the blasts will definitely not pull the economy down. Of course, not. His shoddy economic policies and the constant bickering from the Congress' allies have taken care of that already.
The Israelis must be crazy. They are now bombing Lebanon as well as Palestine for that one soldier. More and more violence. What’s wrong with these Jews? I am starting to wonder if Hitler was right all along…….
A refreshing change in the behaviour of members of the TN Assembly today. There was no throwing of mikes or slippers. They were just head-butting the hell out of each other.
Zidane has now apologised for his infamous head-butting incident. Especially to the millions of children who were watching the world cup on TV. All that’s fine but isn’t he forgetting the millions of children who are seeing the clip on Youtube ? And the millions of children who got it through e-mail forwards? And the children watching the repeat telecast on ESPN at the Neverland ranch?
Entertainment news. 'The Pirates of the Caribbean' have done well all around the world and made millions of dollars. But the sad part. When they tried to come to India, they got hit by a falling ISRO satellite and sunk without a trace into the Bay of Bengal.
The following articles by Boston :-)
It is again one of those hopeless losers bombing innocent civilians in trains again, never realising that killing people is not going to change anything!
Why don’t these guys try something innovative, like blowing up the Railway minister if someone is unhappy about Indian Railways, Education Minister for a better Education system, Petroleum minister for lower fuel prices and blow up the Defense minister if he keeps blowing up the satellites. The good thing is the new minister who replaces these dead ones is sure not to commit a mistake for life!
Michael Dell's stress on an explosive growth for his company has confused the company's stakeholders with a recent incident where a Dell Laptop exploded Obviously, Mr. Dell was "being true to his words".
Wednesday, July 12, 2006
Headlines : 12th July, Wednesday
We all know what was dominating the News headlines. There will be no post for today.
Tuesday, July 11, 2006
Headlines : 11th July, Tuesday
It rained in the evening here in Chennai. I had plans after work but was stuck inside and had to wait for the rain to stop before I could go out and do my thing. It was so frustrating. But to be honest, this is the closest I have come to experiencing what it feels like to be Roger Federer at Wimbledon.
But in the afternoon, it was actually very hot and humid. People were sweating like Manmohan Singh searching for a friendly face at the cabinet meeting.
That’s right. The PM's situation is dire - he has no friends within his party and his allies are trying to pull him down. He must be feeling like a contestant on 'The Apprentice' right now.
In fact, rumors were flying recently that Manmohan Singh is quitting due to the setbacks in the Govt.'s disinvestment plans. It's almost as if he cares about India's economic progress. No wonder the Congress is worried. It has a leader whose first priority is not keeping all its allies happy. Scary.
Today, I saw a shooting star in the sky on my way home and made a wish. Later, I read in the news that it was just the INSAT 4C crashing into the ocean in a hurry.
Our INSAT 4C satellite is a failure. Moments after its launch, it steered off its path, self-destructed and the debris fell into the sea. Good thing we have a spacious dumping ground for our rockets and satellites - the Bay of Bengal.
Two unsuccessful rocket and missile launches in two days.............did we get them made in Sivakasi by a bunch of 10-year old kids or something ?
I guess INSAT stands for ' INto the Sea in A Trice'.
ISRO Chairman Madhavan Nair was in a state of shock and pain when he spoke to press about the mishap. He looked as if he had just been head-butted by someone :-)
Israel is continuing its heavy bombing of the Gaza strip for more than a week now. The strip is so badly damaged by the bombings that today, people in Hiroshima and Nagasaki were going – ‘We got off lightly, man….’
The amazing part is that Israel is doing all this to save one soldier!!! Compare this to India. 10 Jawans died yesterday in Kashmir and the Times of India dint even bother reporting it.
A study has revealed that certain mushrooms can produce drugs that can lead to psychedelic experiences in the user. Can you believe that? Mushrooms. Today, Rahul Mahajan was like - ' NOW you guys are telling me...............".
Posthumously released letters reveal that Einstein had a very active love life. Shocking, isn’t it? He had half-a-dozen girlfriends at one point!!!! He must have had a lot of tough decisions to make at times. Like whether to continue with his research on sub-nuclear particles or make out with Minerva in the kitchen instead.
This is amazing. A Russian farmer has formally asked President Vladimir Putin to allow him to marry a cow. Seems silly but also makes a lot of sense. A cow is never going to ask him “Do I look fat?” all the time. And in case of a divorce, all he needs to give as alimony is a few balls of hay.
The following article by Boston :-)
It is "Fall" season in India, Share prices falling, Agni III falling, GSLV falling and Tamilnadu MLAs falling (on Mummy's feet).
But in the afternoon, it was actually very hot and humid. People were sweating like Manmohan Singh searching for a friendly face at the cabinet meeting.
That’s right. The PM's situation is dire - he has no friends within his party and his allies are trying to pull him down. He must be feeling like a contestant on 'The Apprentice' right now.
In fact, rumors were flying recently that Manmohan Singh is quitting due to the setbacks in the Govt.'s disinvestment plans. It's almost as if he cares about India's economic progress. No wonder the Congress is worried. It has a leader whose first priority is not keeping all its allies happy. Scary.
Today, I saw a shooting star in the sky on my way home and made a wish. Later, I read in the news that it was just the INSAT 4C crashing into the ocean in a hurry.
Our INSAT 4C satellite is a failure. Moments after its launch, it steered off its path, self-destructed and the debris fell into the sea. Good thing we have a spacious dumping ground for our rockets and satellites - the Bay of Bengal.
Two unsuccessful rocket and missile launches in two days.............did we get them made in Sivakasi by a bunch of 10-year old kids or something ?
I guess INSAT stands for ' INto the Sea in A Trice'.
ISRO Chairman Madhavan Nair was in a state of shock and pain when he spoke to press about the mishap. He looked as if he had just been head-butted by someone :-)
Israel is continuing its heavy bombing of the Gaza strip for more than a week now. The strip is so badly damaged by the bombings that today, people in Hiroshima and Nagasaki were going – ‘We got off lightly, man….’
The amazing part is that Israel is doing all this to save one soldier!!! Compare this to India. 10 Jawans died yesterday in Kashmir and the Times of India dint even bother reporting it.
A study has revealed that certain mushrooms can produce drugs that can lead to psychedelic experiences in the user. Can you believe that? Mushrooms. Today, Rahul Mahajan was like - ' NOW you guys are telling me...............".
Posthumously released letters reveal that Einstein had a very active love life. Shocking, isn’t it? He had half-a-dozen girlfriends at one point!!!! He must have had a lot of tough decisions to make at times. Like whether to continue with his research on sub-nuclear particles or make out with Minerva in the kitchen instead.
This is amazing. A Russian farmer has formally asked President Vladimir Putin to allow him to marry a cow. Seems silly but also makes a lot of sense. A cow is never going to ask him “Do I look fat?” all the time. And in case of a divorce, all he needs to give as alimony is a few balls of hay.
The following article by Boston :-)
It is "Fall" season in India, Share prices falling, Agni III falling, GSLV falling and Tamilnadu MLAs falling (on Mummy's feet).
Monday, July 10, 2006
Headlines : 10th July, Monday
Football fever all over the world yesterday. It was the Final of the FIFA World cup in Germany. Even Indians were swept in by the craze. Hundreds of thousands of people in Delhi and Bombay were up all night. Not watching the finals.............due to the long power cuts. They just couldn't go to sleep.
The Italians have won the World Cup. The mega event is finally over. Indians all over the country were out in the streets celebrating. They need not listen to Harsha Bhogle talking about football till 2010 at least.
Zinedine Zidane was sent-off during extra-time after he got a red card for brutally head-butting an Italian player. I don't think it makes a big difference to him. Zizu was supposed to retire after this match anyway.............he was forced to retire 10 minutes earlier than he would liked, that's all.
On the plus side, Zidane has won the Golden Ball award for being the best player at the World Cup. I am not sure about this, but I have a feeling some of the members in the voting panel were not too keen on getting head-butted themselves :-)
An Al Qaeda member was arrested in Germany yesterday. Poor guy, he was just watching the football finals. What were the odds of that happening? They finally nab an Al Qaeda guy and turns out he is totally harmless.
The headlines are screaming it - ' The King of Grass' , ' He's done itagain' , ' Totally in command on grass' and so on. To make it clear, this is about Rahul Mahajan............... not Federer winning Wimbledon for the 4th time.
Speaking of whom.........Rahul Mahajan is getting married people. To a girl from Gurgaon. She is an airline pilot. So she knows what it is to get real 'high' and does it everyday. This is perfect for him.
The marriage is going to be a low-key affair which will be attended only by family and close friends. They are having it inside the jail premises to make it easier for all family members to attend.
Our Agni-III launch was a massive failure. The missile hardly flew 500 kms before ending up in the sea. Even Krrish can fly longer than that without taking a bathroom break.
Today, a Pakistan Airlines passenger plane crashed within 10 minutes of take-off in Multan. Embarrassingly for India, it was up in the air longer than the Agni-III missile!!!
An Italian judge has ruled that a mafia boss serving a life sentence for murder should be allowed to father a baby through artificial insemination. Sure.....lets do this. This is just the kind of DNA we want to save in our society's gene pool, isn't it?
The Italians have won the World Cup. The mega event is finally over. Indians all over the country were out in the streets celebrating. They need not listen to Harsha Bhogle talking about football till 2010 at least.
Zinedine Zidane was sent-off during extra-time after he got a red card for brutally head-butting an Italian player. I don't think it makes a big difference to him. Zizu was supposed to retire after this match anyway.............he was forced to retire 10 minutes earlier than he would liked, that's all.
On the plus side, Zidane has won the Golden Ball award for being the best player at the World Cup. I am not sure about this, but I have a feeling some of the members in the voting panel were not too keen on getting head-butted themselves :-)
An Al Qaeda member was arrested in Germany yesterday. Poor guy, he was just watching the football finals. What were the odds of that happening? They finally nab an Al Qaeda guy and turns out he is totally harmless.
The headlines are screaming it - ' The King of Grass' , ' He's done itagain' , ' Totally in command on grass' and so on. To make it clear, this is about Rahul Mahajan............... not Federer winning Wimbledon for the 4th time.
Speaking of whom.........Rahul Mahajan is getting married people. To a girl from Gurgaon. She is an airline pilot. So she knows what it is to get real 'high' and does it everyday. This is perfect for him.
The marriage is going to be a low-key affair which will be attended only by family and close friends. They are having it inside the jail premises to make it easier for all family members to attend.
Our Agni-III launch was a massive failure. The missile hardly flew 500 kms before ending up in the sea. Even Krrish can fly longer than that without taking a bathroom break.
Today, a Pakistan Airlines passenger plane crashed within 10 minutes of take-off in Multan. Embarrassingly for India, it was up in the air longer than the Agni-III missile!!!
An Italian judge has ruled that a mafia boss serving a life sentence for murder should be allowed to father a baby through artificial insemination. Sure.....lets do this. This is just the kind of DNA we want to save in our society's gene pool, isn't it?
Sunday, July 09, 2006
The Sunday Spiritual Column : 9th July Remembering the Buddha
Gautama Buddha. One of the greatest spiritual masters to emerge from India. Historians claim that he was the founder of Buddhism, since that seemed most logical to them. The name Buddha, which means 'The Awakened One', was bestowed upon him when a barking dog disturbed his slumber one winter night. Taking that as a spiritual cue, he proceeded to leave his home and family in search of the ULTIMATE TRUTH. And also the dog that woke him up. But, let’s start from the beginning.
Buddha was born a prince to King Suddhodhana in the state of Kosala in 500 BC. He was named 'Siddhartha' by his parents, which means the 'One who Lives Forever', (as long as he didn’t get the bird flu). During the birth celebrations, the court astrologer announced that the baby was destined to become a great king or a great holy man. He would be diabetic either way. His father, wishing for Gautama to be a great king, shielded his son from any knowledge of human suffering. He was not told about the horror of death or even burnt toast,for that matter. He thus grew up merrily with his friends making fun of the Sanskrit language and mocking damsels who kept flowers in their hair for no apparent reason.
At the age of 21, he got married to Yashodhara, who was very beautiful but kept calling him 'Sid', which was too hip for those times. She was a good wife and they soon had a son. Rahula grew up to be exactly like his father; in that he too was firmly convinced that Sanskrit grammar was written by someone with a poor sense of humour. (Rahula later became a famous scholar. His deepest desire was to translate Kalidasa's 'Meghdootam' to Pali - something that did not amuse the aged Kalidasa who had written it in Pali to begin with).
As fate would have had it, one day while venturing outside of his palace, Gautama saw an old crippled man (old age), a diseased man (illness), a decaying corpse (death), and an ascetic. He got inspired by the ascetic, who, strangely enough, had a beard so long that he kept tripping himself on it while walking. Siddhartha was firmly convinced that there was no point in living a worldly life anymore, given that his broadband connection was not all that fast either. Without telling anyone, he left the palace in the night with no pocessions. He lived the life of a wandering monk for two years before it struck him that he could have asked someone for directions.
He dedicated his life to learning how to overcome the causes of human suffering. Or a strong headache, at the least. He meditated constantly and although he achieved high levels of meditative consciousness, he felt something was lacking. He got himself a deer-skin mat to meditate on, which seemed a good idea till the deer woke up. That was when he learnt his first big lesson in life. He then began living an ascetic life and practicing vigorous techniques of physical and mental austerity. He once stood upside down for 3 days at a stretch but had to give it up since taking bath was becoming a challenge. Finally, he gave up all efforts and got enlightened while sitting under a Bodhi tree. From that day, he was known as the ‘The Great One’ and the ‘One who Knows Everything’, apart from where Bin Laden is right now.
He gathered a few disciples around him and started giving sermons on Dharma. According to the law of Dharma, one should always live a life of total righteousness and truth, unless you were playing a game of poker with high stakes. He emphasized that he was not a God and there was no God in fact. He soon earned a reputation for being an atheist just because he said there was no God. Once, one of his disciples claimed that he had not only seen God but also had a cup of tea with him. The Buddha said – “Prove it”. The disciple then realised his mistake and left for the forest where he spent the rest of his days sneaking up on tigers and yelling ‘Boo’. The Buddha advised everyone to meditate sincerely and achieve ‘Nirvana’, which was a handy state to be in if you couldn’t afford good clothes. For more than 40 years, he gave discourses to the disciples who bothered to stay awake during these sessions and take down notes. Among his famous discourses are the ones on the Four Noble Truths, the Noble Eightfold Path and the Twelve Noble Players who would win France the Football World Cup.
At the age of 80, the Buddha announced that he would soon be leaving his body and entering a state of deathlessness. Deathlessness, he said, was the same as being eternal, but one could live ten more years in the former condition. The Buddha then had his final meal and laid down on his bed and passed away. His final words were, "All worldly things pass away. Strive for your salvation with diligence. And never accept candy from strangers."
Thus ended the life of one of India’s greatest spiritual masters who was never charge-sheeted by the CBI in his lifetime. Peace.
Buddha was born a prince to King Suddhodhana in the state of Kosala in 500 BC. He was named 'Siddhartha' by his parents, which means the 'One who Lives Forever', (as long as he didn’t get the bird flu). During the birth celebrations, the court astrologer announced that the baby was destined to become a great king or a great holy man. He would be diabetic either way. His father, wishing for Gautama to be a great king, shielded his son from any knowledge of human suffering. He was not told about the horror of death or even burnt toast,for that matter. He thus grew up merrily with his friends making fun of the Sanskrit language and mocking damsels who kept flowers in their hair for no apparent reason.
At the age of 21, he got married to Yashodhara, who was very beautiful but kept calling him 'Sid', which was too hip for those times. She was a good wife and they soon had a son. Rahula grew up to be exactly like his father; in that he too was firmly convinced that Sanskrit grammar was written by someone with a poor sense of humour. (Rahula later became a famous scholar. His deepest desire was to translate Kalidasa's 'Meghdootam' to Pali - something that did not amuse the aged Kalidasa who had written it in Pali to begin with).
As fate would have had it, one day while venturing outside of his palace, Gautama saw an old crippled man (old age), a diseased man (illness), a decaying corpse (death), and an ascetic. He got inspired by the ascetic, who, strangely enough, had a beard so long that he kept tripping himself on it while walking. Siddhartha was firmly convinced that there was no point in living a worldly life anymore, given that his broadband connection was not all that fast either. Without telling anyone, he left the palace in the night with no pocessions. He lived the life of a wandering monk for two years before it struck him that he could have asked someone for directions.
He dedicated his life to learning how to overcome the causes of human suffering. Or a strong headache, at the least. He meditated constantly and although he achieved high levels of meditative consciousness, he felt something was lacking. He got himself a deer-skin mat to meditate on, which seemed a good idea till the deer woke up. That was when he learnt his first big lesson in life. He then began living an ascetic life and practicing vigorous techniques of physical and mental austerity. He once stood upside down for 3 days at a stretch but had to give it up since taking bath was becoming a challenge. Finally, he gave up all efforts and got enlightened while sitting under a Bodhi tree. From that day, he was known as the ‘The Great One’ and the ‘One who Knows Everything’, apart from where Bin Laden is right now.
He gathered a few disciples around him and started giving sermons on Dharma. According to the law of Dharma, one should always live a life of total righteousness and truth, unless you were playing a game of poker with high stakes. He emphasized that he was not a God and there was no God in fact. He soon earned a reputation for being an atheist just because he said there was no God. Once, one of his disciples claimed that he had not only seen God but also had a cup of tea with him. The Buddha said – “Prove it”. The disciple then realised his mistake and left for the forest where he spent the rest of his days sneaking up on tigers and yelling ‘Boo’. The Buddha advised everyone to meditate sincerely and achieve ‘Nirvana’, which was a handy state to be in if you couldn’t afford good clothes. For more than 40 years, he gave discourses to the disciples who bothered to stay awake during these sessions and take down notes. Among his famous discourses are the ones on the Four Noble Truths, the Noble Eightfold Path and the Twelve Noble Players who would win France the Football World Cup.
At the age of 80, the Buddha announced that he would soon be leaving his body and entering a state of deathlessness. Deathlessness, he said, was the same as being eternal, but one could live ten more years in the former condition. The Buddha then had his final meal and laid down on his bed and passed away. His final words were, "All worldly things pass away. Strive for your salvation with diligence. And never accept candy from strangers."
Thus ended the life of one of India’s greatest spiritual masters who was never charge-sheeted by the CBI in his lifetime. Peace.
