Surely You Gotto be Kidding Me !
Monday, July 31, 2006
Headlines : 31st July, Monday
It was raining in Chennai in the evening. The weather was delightful and people were having a great time. They were like the Hezbollah on hearing the words ‘Cease-fire’.
The crisis in the Middle East. Following calls from India and the UN, Israel has agreed to a cease-fire for two days.
What? You look surprised..........Yeah, was just pulling your leg. The Israelis don't give a damn about the UN or India. They have just run out of missiles I think.
You know what’s the problem for the starving refugees in Beirut right now?
They can only have Juice for breakfast, lunch, dinner and have Jews for company.
In the middle of all this, George Bush has expressed his desire to see 'sustainable peace' in the Middle East. Is this a new strategy of his? You know, ease all the tension with some humour?
Forget the Middle East, let’s first try to achieve some ‘sustainable peace’ between Jagmohan Dalmiya and Saurav Ganguly.
Manmohan Singh has denied that Jaswant Singh gave him the name of the US 'mole' in the Narasimha Rao Govt. This is after Jaswant claimed that he had already revealed the name of the mole to the PM. The last time there was so much fuss about a US mole, Cindy Crawford had just come into fame.
You know something? Jaswant Singh has recently released a book ‘Call to Honour’ which has already gone into the second print due to the sensational nature of his allegations. I am no skeptic but I have a feeling Jaswant has made a ‘mountain out of a mole’ just to sell his book.
It keeps getting worse. American sprinter Justin Gatlin, who holds the Olympic and World 100m records, has failed a drugs test. As usual, he has given the ‘I don’t even know how this happened’ speech to the press. Let me tell you how it happened, you cheater……remember how you filled the syringe with that stuff and injected it into your bum?……… yeah, THAT’s how you ran so fast!!!
Previous Tour winner Lance Armstrong has also tested positive for using performance enhancing drugs. But the sad part, he is only driving his car around these days. Apparently, he did it due to sheer force of habit.
Australian Prime Minister John Howard has decided against early retirement and will lead his Liberal Party into elections next year. Excuse me, early retirement? Hasn’t he already won the last four elections and been in power for more than a decade now???
Mel Gibson has confessed that there has been a relapse of his alcoholism habit. He only has himself to blame for this. Ever since he played Jesus Christ in 'Passion of theChrist', each time he drank water, he has been turning it into wine without realizing it.
Pam Anderson has tied the knot again with singer Kid Rock. It was a fun occasion for all attendees. Except for the priest, I guess. How tough must it be to say the words - 'Do you take this man, KID ROCK, as your husband' and still keep a straight face?
How’s this for an irony? Allen Carr, the world famous anti-smoking guru has been recently diagnosed with lung cancer. I don’t know if I should even bother coming up with a joke here.....
The crisis in the Middle East. Following calls from India and the UN, Israel has agreed to a cease-fire for two days.
What? You look surprised..........Yeah, was just pulling your leg. The Israelis don't give a damn about the UN or India. They have just run out of missiles I think.
You know what’s the problem for the starving refugees in Beirut right now?
They can only have Juice for breakfast, lunch, dinner and have Jews for company.
In the middle of all this, George Bush has expressed his desire to see 'sustainable peace' in the Middle East. Is this a new strategy of his? You know, ease all the tension with some humour?
Forget the Middle East, let’s first try to achieve some ‘sustainable peace’ between Jagmohan Dalmiya and Saurav Ganguly.
Manmohan Singh has denied that Jaswant Singh gave him the name of the US 'mole' in the Narasimha Rao Govt. This is after Jaswant claimed that he had already revealed the name of the mole to the PM. The last time there was so much fuss about a US mole, Cindy Crawford had just come into fame.
You know something? Jaswant Singh has recently released a book ‘Call to Honour’ which has already gone into the second print due to the sensational nature of his allegations. I am no skeptic but I have a feeling Jaswant has made a ‘mountain out of a mole’ just to sell his book.
It keeps getting worse. American sprinter Justin Gatlin, who holds the Olympic and World 100m records, has failed a drugs test. As usual, he has given the ‘I don’t even know how this happened’ speech to the press. Let me tell you how it happened, you cheater……remember how you filled the syringe with that stuff and injected it into your bum?……… yeah, THAT’s how you ran so fast!!!
Previous Tour winner Lance Armstrong has also tested positive for using performance enhancing drugs. But the sad part, he is only driving his car around these days. Apparently, he did it due to sheer force of habit.
Australian Prime Minister John Howard has decided against early retirement and will lead his Liberal Party into elections next year. Excuse me, early retirement? Hasn’t he already won the last four elections and been in power for more than a decade now???
Mel Gibson has confessed that there has been a relapse of his alcoholism habit. He only has himself to blame for this. Ever since he played Jesus Christ in 'Passion of theChrist', each time he drank water, he has been turning it into wine without realizing it.
Pam Anderson has tied the knot again with singer Kid Rock. It was a fun occasion for all attendees. Except for the priest, I guess. How tough must it be to say the words - 'Do you take this man, KID ROCK, as your husband' and still keep a straight face?
How’s this for an irony? Allen Carr, the world famous anti-smoking guru has been recently diagnosed with lung cancer. I don’t know if I should even bother coming up with a joke here.....
posted by Vetti Guy, 8:46 AM
10 Comments:
james caviezel played JC! *gasp!* you erred! my hero has feet of cassius clay! *bawl!* i never did like his hairy, hobbit feet! *sob!*
oops....my bad!!!
Forgot that he just produced the movie :-)
Forgot that he just produced the movie :-)
Carr supposedly smoked 100 cigarettes a day at some point of time?!? Wow !
@ Abhinav....maybe its not so ironical afterall.. :-)
The Jews - Juice line strikes a chord! Has it already made a debut in our coffee break talks??
@ Boston, no idea da....I thought of it yesterday and put in here...but its possible what you say :-)
Dude, hats off!! I really thought your enthu might fizzle out... It just gets stronger by the day! Good stuff! and Good posts!
Hey KK...thanks da...appreciate the encouragement :)
My thoughts were more on how he managed 100 in a day...
1 day = 24 Hrs
Avg time spent sleeping = 8 hours
Avg time spent doing other things(When he cannot smoke: like when he is bathing or in a no smoking zone, eating etc..)= 2 hrs
Actual available time = 14 hours = 840 Minutes
considering Avg time taken to smoke 1 cigarette = 5 mins
For 100 cigarettes = 500 mins.
Therefore can we take the time interval between 2 cigarettes = less than 2 mins?!?
Not sure if the last step is right...correct me if I am wrong, Vetti guy.
Well if it is right then, NO WONDER HE GOT CANCER !
1 day = 24 Hrs
Avg time spent sleeping = 8 hours
Avg time spent doing other things(When he cannot smoke: like when he is bathing or in a no smoking zone, eating etc..)= 2 hrs
Actual available time = 14 hours = 840 Minutes
considering Avg time taken to smoke 1 cigarette = 5 mins
For 100 cigarettes = 500 mins.
Therefore can we take the time interval between 2 cigarettes = less than 2 mins?!?
Not sure if the last step is right...correct me if I am wrong, Vetti guy.
Well if it is right then, NO WONDER HE GOT CANCER !
I guess I messed up the last step!
I think its more like 3 minutes between cigarettes on an avg.
I think its more like 3 minutes between cigarettes on an avg.
