Surely You Gotto be Kidding Me !
Monday, October 16, 2006
Headlines : 16th October, Monday
Sometimes I just feel like leaving everything and going off on a vacation to Hawaii. You know, it’s a dream getaway………the beaches, the warm sun, the wine, the earthquakes……….
Wait a minute, you say. The earthquakes? Indeed. Today, there was a strong earthquake in Hawaii that shook up most of the state. The Governor of Hawaii solemnly announced that it was no big deal – they were just testing a few nuclear weapons on the sidelines.
The earthquake caused a major power outage in the state. People were clueless, scared and running like mad in the dark…..and not just on the sets of LOST, mind you !!
Shoib Akhtar said before coming to India for the Champions Trophy that he wanted to be aggressive and very positive. Well, I don’t know about the aggression but he has been tested positive for sure.
That’s right. In a sensational development, Pakistan pacemen Shoaib Akhtar and Mohammad Asif have tested positive for banned drugs. What is this? Pakistanis caught cheating? Somewhere, Darrel Hair is reading about this in his morning paper and mumbling ‘I told you so’
As expected, Shoib Akhtar claims that he never knowingly took any performance enhancing drugs. He is blaming it all on a tuna sandwich Shane Warne’s mom sent him a couple of days ago.
The Sensex has crossed the 12,950 mark people!! But before you go out on to the streets and start dancing – the dengue death toll has crossed 100 as of now…..
The Barak deal scandal. George Fernandes has now accused the PM of mis-using natoinal resources like the CBI for personal motives. Sure. When it comes to mis-using the country’s resources for personal benefits, Fernandes knows what he is talking about!!
Lalu Prasad Yadav today revealed that he did not want to be the Railway Minister when he was given the job in 2004. I think I speak for all of us when I say – ‘None of us wanted you to be a minister either, man….’
The Saddam Hussein trial verdict is expected by November 5th. No idea about the Mohammad Afzal thing but at least Saddam will know for sure by Nov. 5th.
Onto Afghanistan. The troops fighting the local insurgents are facing an unexpected challenge – the Taliban are hiding inside 10-feet high marijuana plants and using them as cover. Well, well, well…..this explains why the war’s been taking forever to end……the troops just don’t want to come back home.
A milestone for the US. The population of the country touched 300 million today morning. In a speech, President Bush said that 300 million was fine and all that but argued that they could have reached the mark a lot earlier had it not been for deaths caused by 9/11.
Branjelina update. The couple is now in Goa apparently. It seems they wanted a low-key location where they could spend some quiet time together as a family. Goa in October. Makes sense, doesn’t it? Totally secluded and away from all human contact.
Wait a minute, you say. The earthquakes? Indeed. Today, there was a strong earthquake in Hawaii that shook up most of the state. The Governor of Hawaii solemnly announced that it was no big deal – they were just testing a few nuclear weapons on the sidelines.
The earthquake caused a major power outage in the state. People were clueless, scared and running like mad in the dark…..and not just on the sets of LOST, mind you !!
Shoib Akhtar said before coming to India for the Champions Trophy that he wanted to be aggressive and very positive. Well, I don’t know about the aggression but he has been tested positive for sure.
That’s right. In a sensational development, Pakistan pacemen Shoaib Akhtar and Mohammad Asif have tested positive for banned drugs. What is this? Pakistanis caught cheating? Somewhere, Darrel Hair is reading about this in his morning paper and mumbling ‘I told you so’
As expected, Shoib Akhtar claims that he never knowingly took any performance enhancing drugs. He is blaming it all on a tuna sandwich Shane Warne’s mom sent him a couple of days ago.
The Sensex has crossed the 12,950 mark people!! But before you go out on to the streets and start dancing – the dengue death toll has crossed 100 as of now…..
The Barak deal scandal. George Fernandes has now accused the PM of mis-using natoinal resources like the CBI for personal motives. Sure. When it comes to mis-using the country’s resources for personal benefits, Fernandes knows what he is talking about!!
Lalu Prasad Yadav today revealed that he did not want to be the Railway Minister when he was given the job in 2004. I think I speak for all of us when I say – ‘None of us wanted you to be a minister either, man….’
The Saddam Hussein trial verdict is expected by November 5th. No idea about the Mohammad Afzal thing but at least Saddam will know for sure by Nov. 5th.
Onto Afghanistan. The troops fighting the local insurgents are facing an unexpected challenge – the Taliban are hiding inside 10-feet high marijuana plants and using them as cover. Well, well, well…..this explains why the war’s been taking forever to end……the troops just don’t want to come back home.
A milestone for the US. The population of the country touched 300 million today morning. In a speech, President Bush said that 300 million was fine and all that but argued that they could have reached the mark a lot earlier had it not been for deaths caused by 9/11.
Branjelina update. The couple is now in Goa apparently. It seems they wanted a low-key location where they could spend some quiet time together as a family. Goa in October. Makes sense, doesn’t it? Totally secluded and away from all human contact.
Sunday, October 15, 2006
15th October, Sunday : Clown of the Week # 6
It was only a question of time. It HAD to happen. You re-elect George Bush into power for a second term and people get ideas in their heads. And it has a lot to do with this week’s ‘Clown of the Week’ award.
So people…you can start cheering ….this week’s COTW award goes to……Kenneth Kahn.
What is so special about this guy is that he is an actual clown by profession!!!! (If you don’t count Bush, that is). Kenneth Kahn, 41, a professional joker known as "Kenny the Clown," admits he's running a campaign to become the next Mayor of Alameda, California.
Kahn has not previously run for an elected position and has never sat on a public board. He has no idea how to run a public office and people have never taken him seriously when he speaks. Is it just me or does he seem well-qualified to you too?
Jokes apart, even Kahn's mother, Barbara, says her son doesn't have a chance, and Sylvia Kahn, a teacher, said her brother's candidacy is a "mockery of our system. I don't think it makes any sense…..”
And what does Kenny himself have to say about it? "People ask me, 'Do we really want to elect a clown for mayor of the city?...........and I say, 'That's an excellent question.’”
One thing he has in his favour is that he would be making the competing candidates extremely nervous and worried. You ask why? Think about it…….in case you compete against a Clown and somehow LOSE, I don’t see how you can face your family ever again. (Although John Kerry managed to deal with the situation well enough).
All in all, it’s a crazy thing to do and Kenny wins the "Clown" of the Week award this time around. But I have a feeling he might receive the piece of news with a plaintive groan rather than a ‘Woo-hoo’ and a fist clench.
So people…you can start cheering ….this week’s COTW award goes to……Kenneth Kahn.
What is so special about this guy is that he is an actual clown by profession!!!! (If you don’t count Bush, that is). Kenneth Kahn, 41, a professional joker known as "Kenny the Clown," admits he's running a campaign to become the next Mayor of Alameda, California.
Kahn has not previously run for an elected position and has never sat on a public board. He has no idea how to run a public office and people have never taken him seriously when he speaks. Is it just me or does he seem well-qualified to you too?
Jokes apart, even Kahn's mother, Barbara, says her son doesn't have a chance, and Sylvia Kahn, a teacher, said her brother's candidacy is a "mockery of our system. I don't think it makes any sense…..”
And what does Kenny himself have to say about it? "People ask me, 'Do we really want to elect a clown for mayor of the city?...........and I say, 'That's an excellent question.’”
One thing he has in his favour is that he would be making the competing candidates extremely nervous and worried. You ask why? Think about it…….in case you compete against a Clown and somehow LOSE, I don’t see how you can face your family ever again. (Although John Kerry managed to deal with the situation well enough).
All in all, it’s a crazy thing to do and Kenny wins the "Clown" of the Week award this time around. But I have a feeling he might receive the piece of news with a plaintive groan rather than a ‘Woo-hoo’ and a fist clench.
