Surely You Gotto be Kidding Me !
Friday, August 11, 2006
Headlines : 11th August, Friday
A cloudy day in Chennai. Very cloudy. Not a single star to be seen. Unless, of course, you were sitting at the premiere of Karan Johar’s latest film at Sathyam Cinemas.
That’s right. ‘Kabhi Alvida Na Kehna’ is getting released today. Karan Johar has apparently taken a few risks in this movie and dealt with some unconventional themes. Risk? Risk??..........the film’s cast includes Shah Rukh Khan, Amitabh Bachan, Abhishek Bachan, Priety Zinta, Rani Mukherjee, Kajol, Arjun Rampal, Kirron Kher………Hmmm….if THIS is a risk, then I want to know how he plays it safe.
The London airport crackdown. I think the only people disappointed with the whole thing must be CNN, BBC, NDTV……can you imagine it? 20 planes…..exploding……every News channels dream……they could have played the gory images over and over again for years……poor guys.
Not only did the London police avert the disaster, but within 24 hours, they have identified around 20 suspects and frozen their monetary assets. Onto Mumbai. Our guys let the terrorists have all the blasts they wanted and after a month have arrested 2 guys just because they were Muslims. You can draw your own conclusions here……
The terrorists were apparently using liquid weapons that got past security checks. What liquid weapons? All they had were a few cans of Pepsi in their hand-luggage.
Speaking of which. Pepsi and Coke in their defense point out that a lot of the rice, eggs and apples sold at retail locations contain more pesticides than the soft drinks. Gee…..suddenly I wish I were an alcoholic……I mean, what’s the point in being a teetotaler anymore? Health reasons?
The US has warned India that the Al Qaeda is now planning some attacks on us. In response, the government has dismissed the issue as totally innocuous and downplayed the threat. Sure, we don’t need any help from anyone…….we KNOW how to take care of ourselves from terrorists……..bring ‘em on !!
The PM is going to have an aerial visit of the flood hit areas in Maharashtra. Can someone explain to me how a guy flying in a helicopter and waving at the people below is going to help their sorry situation any? It just makes them feel worse. It’s almost like Manmohan is pointing out that they are all wet while he is high and dry in his state funded transport vehicle.
The Bill Gates Foundation has pledged $500 million for global AIDS research. Wow……….So, if you are a sex maniac intent on having sex with a lot of people without proper protection – GO RIGHT AHEAD. We apparently have your back covered :- )
A gem of a quote from Bush to finish. ‘The US is at war with Islamic fascists’ he points out to everyone. It’s taken him 10 years more than everyone to realize this…..but I am glad he is catching up with rest of the world, albeit at his own pace.
That’s right. ‘Kabhi Alvida Na Kehna’ is getting released today. Karan Johar has apparently taken a few risks in this movie and dealt with some unconventional themes. Risk? Risk??..........the film’s cast includes Shah Rukh Khan, Amitabh Bachan, Abhishek Bachan, Priety Zinta, Rani Mukherjee, Kajol, Arjun Rampal, Kirron Kher………Hmmm….if THIS is a risk, then I want to know how he plays it safe.
The London airport crackdown. I think the only people disappointed with the whole thing must be CNN, BBC, NDTV……can you imagine it? 20 planes…..exploding……every News channels dream……they could have played the gory images over and over again for years……poor guys.
Not only did the London police avert the disaster, but within 24 hours, they have identified around 20 suspects and frozen their monetary assets. Onto Mumbai. Our guys let the terrorists have all the blasts they wanted and after a month have arrested 2 guys just because they were Muslims. You can draw your own conclusions here……
The terrorists were apparently using liquid weapons that got past security checks. What liquid weapons? All they had were a few cans of Pepsi in their hand-luggage.
Speaking of which. Pepsi and Coke in their defense point out that a lot of the rice, eggs and apples sold at retail locations contain more pesticides than the soft drinks. Gee…..suddenly I wish I were an alcoholic……I mean, what’s the point in being a teetotaler anymore? Health reasons?
The US has warned India that the Al Qaeda is now planning some attacks on us. In response, the government has dismissed the issue as totally innocuous and downplayed the threat. Sure, we don’t need any help from anyone…….we KNOW how to take care of ourselves from terrorists……..bring ‘em on !!
The PM is going to have an aerial visit of the flood hit areas in Maharashtra. Can someone explain to me how a guy flying in a helicopter and waving at the people below is going to help their sorry situation any? It just makes them feel worse. It’s almost like Manmohan is pointing out that they are all wet while he is high and dry in his state funded transport vehicle.
The Bill Gates Foundation has pledged $500 million for global AIDS research. Wow……….So, if you are a sex maniac intent on having sex with a lot of people without proper protection – GO RIGHT AHEAD. We apparently have your back covered :- )
A gem of a quote from Bush to finish. ‘The US is at war with Islamic fascists’ he points out to everyone. It’s taken him 10 years more than everyone to realize this…..but I am glad he is catching up with rest of the world, albeit at his own pace.
Wednesday, August 09, 2006
Headlines : 9th August, Wednesday
The big news first. Dada Ganguly has been named in the list of 30 probables for India’s upcoming series. He celebrated it by drinking a can of Coca Cola and calling Dean Jones a racist pig.
That’s right. Commentator Dean Jones has been sacked after he called cricketer Hashim Amla ‘a terrorist’. His logic was that Amla was a Muslim. And he had a beard. That makes him a terrorist. Hey! He could work in our Foreign Affairs ministry……he is starting to sound like them anyway (talking about Pakistan).
Total chaos in the Lok Sabha the last two days. It’s over the rotten Jaswant-mole episode and arguments over who leaked the Pathak report to the press ahead of schedule. I don't mind these little antics of theirs since they have already ensured that the terrorists responsible for the Mumbai blasts are all behind bars........
Actually, forget finding those who did the Mumbai blasts. We can't even find out who leaked the Pathak report to the press !!!.
In fact, the Lok Sabha speaker has sent an e-mail to all 545 members pleading for their co-operation in running the parliament smoothly. Great. Now, all that is left is to go to each ministers' house and teach them what a PC is and how to operate one.
Suspended Foreign Affairs minister Natwar Singh has called Manmohan ' weak, indecisive, cowardly and spineless'. Isn't this typical of a politician? Mouthing clichés all the time.........saying stuff everyone knows already and trying to pass it off as exclusive knowledge.........typical.....just typical !!
Natwar has also said that he is already looking at life beyond the Congress. I mean, being a politician is not the ONLY way you can make money through bribes...........there are so many other ways, which he is willing to explore.
Floyd Landis has vowed to fight to the limit with the authorities to clear his name of the drug abuse charges. In fact, he has already taken an injection of testosterone to help him with that and is all set for the battle......
Even after the test results showed that he had a high level of synthetic testosterone in his blood, Landis is arguing that they were naturally produced by his body. How courageous is that?........the only people I would expect to naturally produce synthetic hormones in their bodies are Cher and Pamela Anderson.
Today, they did a drug test on Israel’s Cabinet ministers and the results showed that they all had high levels of testosterone in their bodies. No wonder the idiots have approved an even broader ground offensive on Lebanon.
Science is now on the verge of discovering the secrets of invisibility. Big deal. If you want the secret, just ask the UN Secretary-general Kofi Annan. The Israeli’s hardly seem to notice his presence if you ask me.
You know Shah Rukh Khan? I don't know why, but sometimes people call him arrogant and vain...........why would they say that about him? Even when speaking about ' Kabhi Alvida na Kehna' , Shah Rukh has only said that he is 'fantastically sexy' in the movie.......nothing off the top.
It was Raksha Bandhan today. A nightmarish day for guys with women trying to become their sisters and all that. Even Mika was sick of seeing so many Rakhis.......
That’s right. Commentator Dean Jones has been sacked after he called cricketer Hashim Amla ‘a terrorist’. His logic was that Amla was a Muslim. And he had a beard. That makes him a terrorist. Hey! He could work in our Foreign Affairs ministry……he is starting to sound like them anyway (talking about Pakistan).
Total chaos in the Lok Sabha the last two days. It’s over the rotten Jaswant-mole episode and arguments over who leaked the Pathak report to the press ahead of schedule. I don't mind these little antics of theirs since they have already ensured that the terrorists responsible for the Mumbai blasts are all behind bars........
Actually, forget finding those who did the Mumbai blasts. We can't even find out who leaked the Pathak report to the press !!!.
In fact, the Lok Sabha speaker has sent an e-mail to all 545 members pleading for their co-operation in running the parliament smoothly. Great. Now, all that is left is to go to each ministers' house and teach them what a PC is and how to operate one.
Suspended Foreign Affairs minister Natwar Singh has called Manmohan ' weak, indecisive, cowardly and spineless'. Isn't this typical of a politician? Mouthing clichés all the time.........saying stuff everyone knows already and trying to pass it off as exclusive knowledge.........typical.....just typical !!
Natwar has also said that he is already looking at life beyond the Congress. I mean, being a politician is not the ONLY way you can make money through bribes...........there are so many other ways, which he is willing to explore.
Floyd Landis has vowed to fight to the limit with the authorities to clear his name of the drug abuse charges. In fact, he has already taken an injection of testosterone to help him with that and is all set for the battle......
Even after the test results showed that he had a high level of synthetic testosterone in his blood, Landis is arguing that they were naturally produced by his body. How courageous is that?........the only people I would expect to naturally produce synthetic hormones in their bodies are Cher and Pamela Anderson.
Today, they did a drug test on Israel’s Cabinet ministers and the results showed that they all had high levels of testosterone in their bodies. No wonder the idiots have approved an even broader ground offensive on Lebanon.
Science is now on the verge of discovering the secrets of invisibility. Big deal. If you want the secret, just ask the UN Secretary-general Kofi Annan. The Israeli’s hardly seem to notice his presence if you ask me.
You know Shah Rukh Khan? I don't know why, but sometimes people call him arrogant and vain...........why would they say that about him? Even when speaking about ' Kabhi Alvida na Kehna' , Shah Rukh has only said that he is 'fantastically sexy' in the movie.......nothing off the top.
It was Raksha Bandhan today. A nightmarish day for guys with women trying to become their sisters and all that. Even Mika was sick of seeing so many Rakhis.......
Monday, August 07, 2006
7th August, Monday : Top Ten List # 1
Today, I just thought I might try something new. Anyone who has seen the Late Show with David Letterman knows what his Top 10 lists are.
Based on that, I have attempted something similar with the recent Jaswant Singh - mole fiasco.
The list is written in reverse order starting with Number 10 and finishing with the Number 1....
Top 10 reasons why I think Jaswant Singh was making up the whole US 'mole' issue - Based on his statements to the Press below
10. ' If you refer to pages 213 - 245 of my newly released book 'A Call to Honour'.........'
9. ’I was going to reveal the name of the mole in my letter to the PM........but my printer ran out of Ink'
8. ’I can only reveal the name of the mole on Feb 29th of a leap year............not on any other day'
7. ’You want to know specifically, who that mole was?............As Isaid, the Sensex seems to be doing quite well.....'
6. ' Don't we all get these hunches from time to time?'
5. ' Did I say the Narasimha Rao government? I meant the Nehru one actually..............'
4. ' The US is our ally..........what's wrong in sharing a few things with them?'
3. ' Are you telling me we actually had a nuclear program way back in 1995?'
2. ' He was not so much a mole as he was a tiny rat, to be honest'.
1. ' The 'mole' died after drinking a can of Pepsi'
Based on that, I have attempted something similar with the recent Jaswant Singh - mole fiasco.
The list is written in reverse order starting with Number 10 and finishing with the Number 1....
Top 10 reasons why I think Jaswant Singh was making up the whole US 'mole' issue - Based on his statements to the Press below
10. ' If you refer to pages 213 - 245 of my newly released book 'A Call to Honour'.........'
9. ’I was going to reveal the name of the mole in my letter to the PM........but my printer ran out of Ink'
8. ’I can only reveal the name of the mole on Feb 29th of a leap year............not on any other day'
7. ’You want to know specifically, who that mole was?............As Isaid, the Sensex seems to be doing quite well.....'
6. ' Don't we all get these hunches from time to time?'
5. ' Did I say the Narasimha Rao government? I meant the Nehru one actually..............'
4. ' The US is our ally..........what's wrong in sharing a few things with them?'
3. ' Are you telling me we actually had a nuclear program way back in 1995?'
2. ' He was not so much a mole as he was a tiny rat, to be honest'.
1. ' The 'mole' died after drinking a can of Pepsi'
