Surely You Gotto be Kidding Me !
Wednesday, June 28, 2006
Headlines : 28th June, Wednesday
Heavy rains in the North. It was raining so hard that commuters in Bombay didn’t even have the time to be rude to each other.
That’s right. It’s the pre monsoon showers. The streets of Mumbai and Delhi are all totally water-logged. It is taking Mumbai-ites an eternity to go from point A to point B. Total chaos and confusion on the roads. Basically, another normal day in the metrop.
The people of Mumbai were finding it tough to decide which was falling harder - the rain or the Sensex.
Hamas, the Palestinian military is refusing to officially recognise the state of Israel. Forget that........... at the rate at which Israel is bombing the Gaza Strip right now, it might be tough to recognise Palestine in a few hours : - )))
That’s right. Israel is bombing the Gaza strip with an all-out military invasion. You know, tanks, missiles, planes.........the works. They are making so much noise that Ariel Sharon woke up from his coma for a few seconds in his hospital bed.
The funny part is that Israel is doing all this to save one soldier that Palestine have captured. No kidding. Saving one soldier. When he heard this, Private Ryan of the US military was like - " It has happened before, you know.........."
Infosys is proactively dealing with the reservation issue by selecting and training 100 SC / ST students who will directly join the company after that. That’s great. I am sure the SC/ ST guys are equally proficient in sitting in the 'bench' without any project as any student from the forward class.
Sachin is making his comeback to cricket by playing a few charity matches. He is feeling so good that it seems like he is 20 again. In fact, he is 22. That’s his ICC batting rank, you know. ( He has slipped out of the top 20 for the first time in 14 years.)
This is absurd. After 15 long years, the LTTE have officially confessed to having assassinated Rajiv Gandhi. Better late than never isn't it?. I hope the Big B takes this as an inspiration to pay his overdue taxes.......better late than never.
I also hope OJ Simpson is watching this and thinking - " Should I ?.....I really should, shouldn't I?........"
You know what’s the difference between M. Karunanidhi and the crew of the NASA space shuttle 'Discovery'?
The crew members of the space shuttle have been given a 1-in-a-100 chance of dying in the course of the next year.
(Of course, for MK, its 1-in-a-100 chance of surviving.)
Michael Jackson has fired his business managers in the US with immediate effect. He was quite angry. He learnt only yesterday that they were both above 18 years of age.
A study has revealed that people with heart trouble are likely to be suffering from mental depression. Oh. My .God. ...........how much more stupid are things going to get? Of course, these guys are depressed..........they just had a heart attack, you frickin fool!!!!!...........how do expect them to be? Jumping with joy? ............Who is funding these studies anyway?
That’s right. It’s the pre monsoon showers. The streets of Mumbai and Delhi are all totally water-logged. It is taking Mumbai-ites an eternity to go from point A to point B. Total chaos and confusion on the roads. Basically, another normal day in the metrop.
The people of Mumbai were finding it tough to decide which was falling harder - the rain or the Sensex.
Hamas, the Palestinian military is refusing to officially recognise the state of Israel. Forget that........... at the rate at which Israel is bombing the Gaza Strip right now, it might be tough to recognise Palestine in a few hours : - )))
That’s right. Israel is bombing the Gaza strip with an all-out military invasion. You know, tanks, missiles, planes.........the works. They are making so much noise that Ariel Sharon woke up from his coma for a few seconds in his hospital bed.
The funny part is that Israel is doing all this to save one soldier that Palestine have captured. No kidding. Saving one soldier. When he heard this, Private Ryan of the US military was like - " It has happened before, you know.........."
Infosys is proactively dealing with the reservation issue by selecting and training 100 SC / ST students who will directly join the company after that. That’s great. I am sure the SC/ ST guys are equally proficient in sitting in the 'bench' without any project as any student from the forward class.
Sachin is making his comeback to cricket by playing a few charity matches. He is feeling so good that it seems like he is 20 again. In fact, he is 22. That’s his ICC batting rank, you know. ( He has slipped out of the top 20 for the first time in 14 years.)
This is absurd. After 15 long years, the LTTE have officially confessed to having assassinated Rajiv Gandhi. Better late than never isn't it?. I hope the Big B takes this as an inspiration to pay his overdue taxes.......better late than never.
I also hope OJ Simpson is watching this and thinking - " Should I ?.....I really should, shouldn't I?........"
You know what’s the difference between M. Karunanidhi and the crew of the NASA space shuttle 'Discovery'?
The crew members of the space shuttle have been given a 1-in-a-100 chance of dying in the course of the next year.
(Of course, for MK, its 1-in-a-100 chance of surviving.)
Michael Jackson has fired his business managers in the US with immediate effect. He was quite angry. He learnt only yesterday that they were both above 18 years of age.
A study has revealed that people with heart trouble are likely to be suffering from mental depression. Oh. My .God. ...........how much more stupid are things going to get? Of course, these guys are depressed..........they just had a heart attack, you frickin fool!!!!!...........how do expect them to be? Jumping with joy? ............Who is funding these studies anyway?
Tuesday, June 27, 2006
Headlines : 27th June, Tuesday
It was a hot day in the North. People were sweating like Hrithik Roshan watching the trailer of 'Superman Returns'.
The situation in Sri Lanka is getting out of hand. The LTTE and the government are seemingly hell bent on killing each other. I am thinking, now that Superman has made his return, how about rushing him to Lanka and making it his main priority to calm things down a bit?
Or even better, how about asking Superman to get a seat in Delhi University this year? Let me see the dude pull THAT stunt off....................
Thats right. Even with 90 % marks in their exams, students are struggling to get admission into the prestigious Delhi University. Competition is that high. To give you an idea of how the odds are stacked against these students : bookies are giving Saurav a better chance of getting his place back in the Indian team.
The CBI is now handling the sex racket scandal in Kashmir. Say what you want, but I really admire our politicians. In spite of all the bombings, the murders, the terrorists roaming about in large, the total lack of law and order, living in a state of perpetual fear.................. these guys have still managed to get themselves involved in a sex scandal involving 12 year old girls. You really have to admire them for it. You really do.
The Hyderabad Nizam has been ordered to pay his ex-wife 15 Crores in Alimony by a local court. The Nizam is understandably upset. He asks - "Why should I pay so much money for something I don't really care about? Just because the law wants me to?".............Surprisingly, that is the same logic Amitabh Bachan used in deciding not to pay his taxes to the state.
A report says that drug usage in Europe has reached alarming proportions.Worryingly, this is just from the tests done on the cyclists participating in the Tour de France next month.
Researchers have now found a slithering slimy snake that changes its colour depending on its surroundings and whichever will best help it survive. Wow.The researchers are tentatively calling it "Vaiko" till they come up with a proper scientific name.
Monks in Thailand have been giving their meditation routines a skip and are instead watching the football World Cup matches all night. I am speechless......what kind of monks are they? Not the kind you read about in books for sure......you know, the ones who sell off their Ferraris and stuff? These monks hardly seem to be from that grand tradition ..........
Potter news. JK Rowling has revealed that she plans to kill off at least two more characters in the last Harry Potter book. Rumours have it that Dick Cheney makes a guest appearance in the book. He accidentaly shoots off Ron Weasley and Hermione when the three of them go Unicorn hunting in the Enchaned Forest at Hogwarts.
Brad Pitt has been honoured for the charity work he has done in recent times. And why not? .......he deserves it. Specifically, his giving away of Jennifer Aniston to Vince Vaughan for free has been a highlight. How stupid was that?? ( Although her replacement isnt too bad either....... )
This is simply amazing. Check out the photo. A HALF-TON man in Mexico has lost 200 pounds after following a strict dietary regime. Actually...thats a bit of a stretch......all he did was skip breakfast on Friday : - ))))
The situation in Sri Lanka is getting out of hand. The LTTE and the government are seemingly hell bent on killing each other. I am thinking, now that Superman has made his return, how about rushing him to Lanka and making it his main priority to calm things down a bit?
Or even better, how about asking Superman to get a seat in Delhi University this year? Let me see the dude pull THAT stunt off....................
Thats right. Even with 90 % marks in their exams, students are struggling to get admission into the prestigious Delhi University. Competition is that high. To give you an idea of how the odds are stacked against these students : bookies are giving Saurav a better chance of getting his place back in the Indian team.
The CBI is now handling the sex racket scandal in Kashmir. Say what you want, but I really admire our politicians. In spite of all the bombings, the murders, the terrorists roaming about in large, the total lack of law and order, living in a state of perpetual fear.................. these guys have still managed to get themselves involved in a sex scandal involving 12 year old girls. You really have to admire them for it. You really do.
The Hyderabad Nizam has been ordered to pay his ex-wife 15 Crores in Alimony by a local court. The Nizam is understandably upset. He asks - "Why should I pay so much money for something I don't really care about? Just because the law wants me to?".............Surprisingly, that is the same logic Amitabh Bachan used in deciding not to pay his taxes to the state.
A report says that drug usage in Europe has reached alarming proportions.Worryingly, this is just from the tests done on the cyclists participating in the Tour de France next month.
Researchers have now found a slithering slimy snake that changes its colour depending on its surroundings and whichever will best help it survive. Wow.The researchers are tentatively calling it "Vaiko" till they come up with a proper scientific name.
Monks in Thailand have been giving their meditation routines a skip and are instead watching the football World Cup matches all night. I am speechless......what kind of monks are they? Not the kind you read about in books for sure......you know, the ones who sell off their Ferraris and stuff? These monks hardly seem to be from that grand tradition ..........
Potter news. JK Rowling has revealed that she plans to kill off at least two more characters in the last Harry Potter book. Rumours have it that Dick Cheney makes a guest appearance in the book. He accidentaly shoots off Ron Weasley and Hermione when the three of them go Unicorn hunting in the Enchaned Forest at Hogwarts.
Brad Pitt has been honoured for the charity work he has done in recent times. And why not? .......he deserves it. Specifically, his giving away of Jennifer Aniston to Vince Vaughan for free has been a highlight. How stupid was that?? ( Although her replacement isnt too bad either....... )
This is simply amazing. Check out the photo. A HALF-TON man in Mexico has lost 200 pounds after following a strict dietary regime. Actually...thats a bit of a stretch......all he did was skip breakfast on Friday : - ))))
Monday, June 26, 2006
Headlines : 26th June, Monday
It was another hot day in the North. People were sweating like the Dutch players seeing the referee reach for his pocket.
In the World Cup, Holland has been knocked out by Portugal after the referee sent off 4 players and showed more than 20 yellow cards!!!. 20, no less. I swear, the last time I saw so many cards, David Blaine was doing his thing, harassing people on the streets.
Today the Chairman of the Wimbledon organizing committee had a mild heart attack. What happened was some prankster sneaked up behind him and shouted “Rain!!!”
That’s right. It’s Wimbledon from today people. It’s a unique event. Where else on earth do people pay hundreds of pounds to go somewhere and sit and watch the rain all day long??
The president of East Timor has resigned. Wow…..I am surprised that this even made it to the news……president of East Timor…..I am thinking that if the president of the Chennai Rotary Club retired, it would be a bigger news than this.
Mittal finally has got what he wanted with the Arcelor deal. At a cost of 34 Billion dollars!!!!!. Coincidentally, that is the exact amount Amitabh Bachan owes the Govt. in terms of unpaid taxes all these years.
The success of the deal has gone into Mittal’s head apparently. Today, while speaking to the press, he popped a couple of potatoes into his mouth and said in a low tone – “I made them an offer they couldn’t refuse………now Arcelor is part of ……The Family”.
The LTTE have rejected Sri Lankan President Mahinda Rajapakse's offer of a direct peace deal. I understand that they are actually demanding 34 Billion dollars. Mittal has obviously not set a good example for negotiators everywhere.
You know what’s ironic about Salman Khan and the LTTE situation?
The Tigers are killing humans while Salman is killing all the deer.
Writers Arundhati Roy and Vikram Seth have been issued notices by a local Madhya Pradesh court for allegedly encroaching on a tribal's land. Well well well. This is not the first time this year that an Indian writer has gotten into trouble for encroaching into someone else’s (intellectual) property.
Saddam Hussein believes that the US will beg for his help do deal with Iraq. Maybe Saddam has forgotten his current situation. The only thing he can offer the US right now is suggestions on how best they can execute him – by hanging or the electric chair.
Vice president Dick Cheney has said that pulling out of Iraq now would be the worst possible thing the US could do…..the worst......since….. Going into Iraq 2 years ago, of course.
And when Dick Cheney talks about the worst possible thing someone could do, he knows what he is talking about. Trust me :-)
This is stunning. Warren Buffet, the world’s second richest man, has decided to give away most of his wealth away in charity. Brace yourself for this……he is going to give it to none other than Bill Gates. That’s right. Bill Gates. Millions of homeless and destitute people in Somalia are going – “As long as it is to someone deserving…….”
(Jokes apart, he is actually giving it to the Gates Foundation, which is the world’s largest philanthropic organization. So it’s great.)
A survey has revealed that Moscow is the priciest city in the world. Seems it costs 20 roubles to get a pair of socks and 100 roubles to get a smile from someone.
In the World Cup, Holland has been knocked out by Portugal after the referee sent off 4 players and showed more than 20 yellow cards!!!. 20, no less. I swear, the last time I saw so many cards, David Blaine was doing his thing, harassing people on the streets.
Today the Chairman of the Wimbledon organizing committee had a mild heart attack. What happened was some prankster sneaked up behind him and shouted “Rain!!!”
That’s right. It’s Wimbledon from today people. It’s a unique event. Where else on earth do people pay hundreds of pounds to go somewhere and sit and watch the rain all day long??
The president of East Timor has resigned. Wow…..I am surprised that this even made it to the news……president of East Timor…..I am thinking that if the president of the Chennai Rotary Club retired, it would be a bigger news than this.
Mittal finally has got what he wanted with the Arcelor deal. At a cost of 34 Billion dollars!!!!!. Coincidentally, that is the exact amount Amitabh Bachan owes the Govt. in terms of unpaid taxes all these years.
The success of the deal has gone into Mittal’s head apparently. Today, while speaking to the press, he popped a couple of potatoes into his mouth and said in a low tone – “I made them an offer they couldn’t refuse………now Arcelor is part of ……The Family”.
The LTTE have rejected Sri Lankan President Mahinda Rajapakse's offer of a direct peace deal. I understand that they are actually demanding 34 Billion dollars. Mittal has obviously not set a good example for negotiators everywhere.
You know what’s ironic about Salman Khan and the LTTE situation?
The Tigers are killing humans while Salman is killing all the deer.
Writers Arundhati Roy and Vikram Seth have been issued notices by a local Madhya Pradesh court for allegedly encroaching on a tribal's land. Well well well. This is not the first time this year that an Indian writer has gotten into trouble for encroaching into someone else’s (intellectual) property.
Saddam Hussein believes that the US will beg for his help do deal with Iraq. Maybe Saddam has forgotten his current situation. The only thing he can offer the US right now is suggestions on how best they can execute him – by hanging or the electric chair.
Vice president Dick Cheney has said that pulling out of Iraq now would be the worst possible thing the US could do…..the worst......since….. Going into Iraq 2 years ago, of course.
And when Dick Cheney talks about the worst possible thing someone could do, he knows what he is talking about. Trust me :-)
This is stunning. Warren Buffet, the world’s second richest man, has decided to give away most of his wealth away in charity. Brace yourself for this……he is going to give it to none other than Bill Gates. That’s right. Bill Gates. Millions of homeless and destitute people in Somalia are going – “As long as it is to someone deserving…….”
(Jokes apart, he is actually giving it to the Gates Foundation, which is the world’s largest philanthropic organization. So it’s great.)
A survey has revealed that Moscow is the priciest city in the world. Seems it costs 20 roubles to get a pair of socks and 100 roubles to get a smile from someone.
