Surely You Gotto be Kidding Me !
Saturday, July 08, 2006
Headlines : 8th July, Saturday
A couple of sharks swimming in the Sea of Japan have achieved something that George Bush and the US army have failed to in the last 2 years.
They actually found some Weapons of Mass Destruction (WMD) floating alongside them while doing their daily laps.
That's right. North Korea has test fired 7 long range ballistic missiles in the last 2 days. But they all failed midway and landed in the Sea of Japan. Hmm.......several long range missiles fired.......all failed and misdirected...........sounds like Roberto Carlos' and Brazil's story in the World Cup doesn't it?
Everyone’s worried that North Korea has nuclear weapons. The UN is preparing its response. It is sending a team of 5 International delegates to NorthKorea. They are expected to return back 2 days later when the North Korean President laughs in their face and asks them to go eat pudding. As usual.
You know what's common to singer Madonna and the UN?
They are both international bodies that no one listens to anymore.
North Korea is actually threatening the US with a nuclear war. How ironic would it be if they attacked America right now with most of the US troops busy in Iraq raping and shooting local Muslim women?
Back to India. The IITs have screwed up their admission process. Nearly 4,000 students are likely to lose the seats promised to them due to some technical software hitch. The quota system is not even begun and 4,000 are on the losing end already……not a good sign…..
I guess IIT stands for ‘Institute for Incompetent Technology’.
After the court decision to stay Venugopal’s dismissal, the doctors promptly ended their strike and abandoned their protests. Wow……we have so many strikers who know how do get the job done……ever wonder why we don’t all that well in football?
I think AIIMS stands for ‘Always Involved In Monthly Strikes’.
Rumours are that Prime Minister Manmohan Singh has quit office over the UPA government's volte-face on disinvestment with the NLC. I think this is childish. Why does he have to bring in the concept of principles each time into the decision making process? If he is going to behave like this for every politically based move, he could fast become an embarrassment to all politicians in the country…..
The PMO has officially denied the rumours. “They are all false reports. Absolutely not true. All is well with the PM and the Congress”…………..which probably means the rumours are cent percent spot on!!!!!
Lalu Yadav may soon be in the curriculum in Harvard due to his work as the Railway Minister. Well………if you thought Kavya ruined India’s reputation at Harvard, just wait for a Lalu to make his mark…..
They actually found some Weapons of Mass Destruction (WMD) floating alongside them while doing their daily laps.
That's right. North Korea has test fired 7 long range ballistic missiles in the last 2 days. But they all failed midway and landed in the Sea of Japan. Hmm.......several long range missiles fired.......all failed and misdirected...........sounds like Roberto Carlos' and Brazil's story in the World Cup doesn't it?
Everyone’s worried that North Korea has nuclear weapons. The UN is preparing its response. It is sending a team of 5 International delegates to NorthKorea. They are expected to return back 2 days later when the North Korean President laughs in their face and asks them to go eat pudding. As usual.
You know what's common to singer Madonna and the UN?
They are both international bodies that no one listens to anymore.
North Korea is actually threatening the US with a nuclear war. How ironic would it be if they attacked America right now with most of the US troops busy in Iraq raping and shooting local Muslim women?
Back to India. The IITs have screwed up their admission process. Nearly 4,000 students are likely to lose the seats promised to them due to some technical software hitch. The quota system is not even begun and 4,000 are on the losing end already……not a good sign…..
I guess IIT stands for ‘Institute for Incompetent Technology’.
After the court decision to stay Venugopal’s dismissal, the doctors promptly ended their strike and abandoned their protests. Wow……we have so many strikers who know how do get the job done……ever wonder why we don’t all that well in football?
I think AIIMS stands for ‘Always Involved In Monthly Strikes’.
Rumours are that Prime Minister Manmohan Singh has quit office over the UPA government's volte-face on disinvestment with the NLC. I think this is childish. Why does he have to bring in the concept of principles each time into the decision making process? If he is going to behave like this for every politically based move, he could fast become an embarrassment to all politicians in the country…..
The PMO has officially denied the rumours. “They are all false reports. Absolutely not true. All is well with the PM and the Congress”…………..which probably means the rumours are cent percent spot on!!!!!
Lalu Yadav may soon be in the curriculum in Harvard due to his work as the Railway Minister. Well………if you thought Kavya ruined India’s reputation at Harvard, just wait for a Lalu to make his mark…..
Wednesday, July 05, 2006
Headlines : 5th July, Wednesday
It's monsoon madness in Mumbai. The heavy rains continue on and on.....It was so bad that even the Doordarshan weather report was right for once. It had predicted heavy rains !!!
It is so bad that even people in coastal Orissa were making fun of Bombay-ites :-)
Today, Rahul Mahajan was seen at a Drug-store……buying Coldact.
Himesh Reshammiya is really worried about getting wet in the rain. He says – “I have a song recording today. Hope I don’t catch a cold……it might make me sound nasal…” : - ))
AIIMS Director Dr P Venugopal has been ousted from his post for violating the code of conduct. Apparently, his doctors and students were going on too many strikes. And guess what has happened now…..they have gone on another strike. Talk about cutting a problem at its roots…..
You know what’s common to the Director of AIIMS and a Baseball hitter?
In both cases, the rule is the same - Three strikes and you are out.
Onto the Lankan crisis. India has urged Sri Lanka to revive talks with the LTTE and solve their problems. Talks, indeed. Look how well it has worked for India and Pakistan with the Kashmir issue. All these years of holding”talks” and a woman in Srinagar still can't go shopping without having the potatoes in her vegetable bag exploding all of a sudden......
Shocking news. Sania has announced her retirement from tennis. She says - "I feel I can't compete with the other players anymore......I just keep getting knocked out in the first round and its kinda embarrassing. I have had enough."
Oops, sorry ......that was Martina Navratilova, not Sania.......Martina announcing her retirement .........got the two mixed up.
A funny incident at Wimbledon yesterday. During the Sharapova match, a guy took off his pants and hopped into centre court after evading the security guys. Apparently, he was misled when the Chair Umpire said ' New balls please' into the mike.
Hear this. Pervez Musharaff apparently had plans to use nuclear weapons against India during the Kargil war. But he backed out when he has warned that there was a good chance Bipasha Basu might also get killed in the process if they went ahead with it.
On his 4th of July speech, President Bush gave the Americans a rousing message. He assured them that the enemy is vulnerable, on the run and without a clear leadership…………..of course, he was talking about the Democrats here.
A sad thing. Many Iraq war veterans who have returned to the US are now apparently finding it hard surviving and are broke and homeless. At least, when they were in Iraq, they got to sleep in the hut of the woman they had just raped……….now, they have neither sex nor shelter.
It is so bad that even people in coastal Orissa were making fun of Bombay-ites :-)
Today, Rahul Mahajan was seen at a Drug-store……buying Coldact.
Himesh Reshammiya is really worried about getting wet in the rain. He says – “I have a song recording today. Hope I don’t catch a cold……it might make me sound nasal…” : - ))
AIIMS Director Dr P Venugopal has been ousted from his post for violating the code of conduct. Apparently, his doctors and students were going on too many strikes. And guess what has happened now…..they have gone on another strike. Talk about cutting a problem at its roots…..
You know what’s common to the Director of AIIMS and a Baseball hitter?
In both cases, the rule is the same - Three strikes and you are out.
Onto the Lankan crisis. India has urged Sri Lanka to revive talks with the LTTE and solve their problems. Talks, indeed. Look how well it has worked for India and Pakistan with the Kashmir issue. All these years of holding”talks” and a woman in Srinagar still can't go shopping without having the potatoes in her vegetable bag exploding all of a sudden......
Shocking news. Sania has announced her retirement from tennis. She says - "I feel I can't compete with the other players anymore......I just keep getting knocked out in the first round and its kinda embarrassing. I have had enough."
Oops, sorry ......that was Martina Navratilova, not Sania.......Martina announcing her retirement .........got the two mixed up.
A funny incident at Wimbledon yesterday. During the Sharapova match, a guy took off his pants and hopped into centre court after evading the security guys. Apparently, he was misled when the Chair Umpire said ' New balls please' into the mike.
Hear this. Pervez Musharaff apparently had plans to use nuclear weapons against India during the Kargil war. But he backed out when he has warned that there was a good chance Bipasha Basu might also get killed in the process if they went ahead with it.
On his 4th of July speech, President Bush gave the Americans a rousing message. He assured them that the enemy is vulnerable, on the run and without a clear leadership…………..of course, he was talking about the Democrats here.
A sad thing. Many Iraq war veterans who have returned to the US are now apparently finding it hard surviving and are broke and homeless. At least, when they were in Iraq, they got to sleep in the hut of the woman they had just raped……….now, they have neither sex nor shelter.
Tuesday, July 04, 2006
Headlines : 4th July, Tuesday
Heavy rains for the third straight day in Bombay. Everyone was stuck indoors. But they still managed to be rude to each other over phone.
In contrast, Delhi has been facing soaring temperatures of 40 degrees !!!!!On top of this, people are faced with 8 hour long power cuts daily.....poor guys, I guess this is what they call 'capital punishment'.
Even after his battling win with the Arcelor bid, Lakhsmi Mittal doesn't regard himself as an 'Alexander' (metaphorically speaking). Well, sure. Considering that he has just shelled out $35 Billion, he is a lot more like Diogenes right now.............you know, wondering where his next meal is coming from :-)
The Union Ministry is proposing to build a bullet-proof structure around some of the idols in Ayodhya. Really? Do we need to do this?..........How about not using guns inside the temple for a change? I think that would work too. We can have a sign outside - ' Please leave footwear and fire-arms here before entering'. I have faith that people will respond to such gentle suggestions.
This is worrying. 5 men have been arrested in a medical exam paper leak case in Punjab. What is worrying is not the fact that they were cheating -but getting caught by the police. How clumsy were they if even the local police managed to trace them?
The Lankan issue. India is asking Sri lanka to recognise that the LTTE is running a 'de facto' government in the island. The problem - the Lankan Govt. doesn't know what 'de facto' means.
A survey has revealed that Britishers don't like Americans all that much. Looks as if the feeling could be mutual. In fact, there are no American men or women left in Wimbledon in the second week. They have all left already.
Do you know why Sania Mirza drinks Sprite and not beer?
Cause she usually gets knocked out after the first ‘round’.
A fresh report from Iraq. A US soldier has been accused of raping a local woman. And he is not the first one facing such charges. Here's my question........I don't know why Americans and Muslims can't get together..........I agree that the US got screwed by Muslims in 9/11..............but then, the Americans seems to be having a lot of fun screwing Muslims as well........its a perfect match as far as I can see.
China has completed its ambitious project of building a railroad connecting Tibet with mainland China. Well well well.............no wonder these monks are selling their Ferraris all over the place..........who wants to spend money on gas when you can just take the local train to Beijing?
A large asteroid has zipped past earth today.......thank god it didn't hit us. I can't even imagine the consequences if it had. FIFA President Sepp Blatter couldn't agree more. He says - ' This is just the sort of thing we don't need right now .......with the World Cup semi-finals coming up later in the evening'.
The following articles by Vishwa :-)
A correction in property market is around the corner. The prices are falling faster than suicide rates at vidharbha. In Delhi though, buildings themselves are falling faster than the prices.
As Mumbai reels under heavy rains, people are unable to meet each other are depressed not being able to be rude.
"We are better prepared this time" says the CM of Maharashtra. He meant he was ready with a list of excuses and responses he may give, once the whole of Mumbai submerges.
Britons see America as a cruel, vulgar, arrogant society, racially-divided, crime-ridden obsessed with money and led by an incompetent president, according to a newspaper poll. Prince Charles almost chocked himself before he cud complete the sentence. The survey was initially conducted in the Middle East and every word had to be censored.
In contrast, Delhi has been facing soaring temperatures of 40 degrees !!!!!On top of this, people are faced with 8 hour long power cuts daily.....poor guys, I guess this is what they call 'capital punishment'.
Even after his battling win with the Arcelor bid, Lakhsmi Mittal doesn't regard himself as an 'Alexander' (metaphorically speaking). Well, sure. Considering that he has just shelled out $35 Billion, he is a lot more like Diogenes right now.............you know, wondering where his next meal is coming from :-)
The Union Ministry is proposing to build a bullet-proof structure around some of the idols in Ayodhya. Really? Do we need to do this?..........How about not using guns inside the temple for a change? I think that would work too. We can have a sign outside - ' Please leave footwear and fire-arms here before entering'. I have faith that people will respond to such gentle suggestions.
This is worrying. 5 men have been arrested in a medical exam paper leak case in Punjab. What is worrying is not the fact that they were cheating -but getting caught by the police. How clumsy were they if even the local police managed to trace them?
The Lankan issue. India is asking Sri lanka to recognise that the LTTE is running a 'de facto' government in the island. The problem - the Lankan Govt. doesn't know what 'de facto' means.
A survey has revealed that Britishers don't like Americans all that much. Looks as if the feeling could be mutual. In fact, there are no American men or women left in Wimbledon in the second week. They have all left already.
Do you know why Sania Mirza drinks Sprite and not beer?
Cause she usually gets knocked out after the first ‘round’.
A fresh report from Iraq. A US soldier has been accused of raping a local woman. And he is not the first one facing such charges. Here's my question........I don't know why Americans and Muslims can't get together..........I agree that the US got screwed by Muslims in 9/11..............but then, the Americans seems to be having a lot of fun screwing Muslims as well........its a perfect match as far as I can see.
China has completed its ambitious project of building a railroad connecting Tibet with mainland China. Well well well.............no wonder these monks are selling their Ferraris all over the place..........who wants to spend money on gas when you can just take the local train to Beijing?
A large asteroid has zipped past earth today.......thank god it didn't hit us. I can't even imagine the consequences if it had. FIFA President Sepp Blatter couldn't agree more. He says - ' This is just the sort of thing we don't need right now .......with the World Cup semi-finals coming up later in the evening'.
The following articles by Vishwa :-)
A correction in property market is around the corner. The prices are falling faster than suicide rates at vidharbha. In Delhi though, buildings themselves are falling faster than the prices.
As Mumbai reels under heavy rains, people are unable to meet each other are depressed not being able to be rude.
"We are better prepared this time" says the CM of Maharashtra. He meant he was ready with a list of excuses and responses he may give, once the whole of Mumbai submerges.
Britons see America as a cruel, vulgar, arrogant society, racially-divided, crime-ridden obsessed with money and led by an incompetent president, according to a newspaper poll. Prince Charles almost chocked himself before he cud complete the sentence. The survey was initially conducted in the Middle East and every word had to be censored.
Monday, July 03, 2006
Headlines : 3rd July, Monday
It’s been raining really hard in the North. Especially in Bombay. It was so bad that Krrish had his raincoat on while chasing villains across the city.
Even Salman Khan felt there were too many people with wet shirts on the roads.
Amitabh Bachan meanwhile had a lot of fun making paper boats out of his IT notices and floating them on the streets.
What's the difference between the Sensex and NASA's space shuttle 'Discover'?
The Sensex is on its way up this week in spite of the heavy rains.
This is funny. Millions of dollars in research, and thousands of scientists- and still NASA has to defer the launch of its shuttle due to rainy conditions. Unbelievable. Is this 1965? This sounds like something NASA would have told Neil Armstrong, you know........'Sorry dude, its raining outside........how about we wait for a few days before you make your trip.........where are you going again? .........the moon, right........ok".
You know what's the best-selling book in Vidarbha right now?
'101 Ways to Commit Suicide'.
Thats right. More than 600 poor farmers in Vidarbha district have commited suicide in recent times !!!!. Until the headcount reached 600, the government was relaxed, you know. 600 was the cut-off level. Upto this point, the Govt. just assumed it was all a big coincidence : - )))
The PM's relief package for Vidarbha is around 3,500 Crores. But the BJP feels it is not satisfactory or good enough. In it's defense, the government could have allotted at least 100 Crores more had the Big B paid his taxes on time.
Did you know that Saddam Hussein's wife and daughter are on the US's most wanted list? When he heard it, Clinton was like - “Hey, they are on my most wanted list too.............. They are in the top 10, in fact ".
George Bush is turning 60 this week. Oh yes, 60 years of age. A landmark for him. His age is now greater than his IQ.
In fact, he was so pleased that he told the press – “Go ahead guys, call me an octogenarian if you want to”.
More ridiculous scenes in our courts. A donkey was brought to court by an NGO as part of a protest rally. But the sad part. Salman Khan mistakenly assumed it was a deer and shot it when in court for his hearing.
Did you read about the bear that has escaped twice from its steel cage before it could be neutered by doctors? Well.........if T Rajendar wants to have more children, I don’t think its our business to try and stop him, right?
The following articles by Vishwa :-)
Mobile phones attract lightning , if not babes to gadget gurus. That is why hutch is planning to change the color to white, and plans to use "conductivity" instead of "connectivity" as a performance parameter. The ad may now portray Benjamin Franklin following the user everywhere.
Last time I heard of Indian's very own super hero was when the movie Hanuman was released. Now they say Hrithik stars as India's own super hero. Do you think he will look cute with the tail? But there is really a true man with tail!!! Reports indicate girls are going "fida" over him.
More than 600 farmers had committed suicide in Maharashtra and only now has govt. stepped in to help them. The economist that our PM is, confused the rise in death toll with sensex and was quoted saying "our economy is prosperous in this Bull Run, we will use all the money to help poor farmers". Don't blame him that is what Sonia had asked him to say.
The following articles by Boston :-)
Mumbai has become prey to heavy rains once more. The Dabbawaalahs were concerned at their drop in service levels and reduction of efficiency by .001%. They hope for an increase in rainfall and clogged drain lines to change their mode of transport from railways to waterways.
Tamilnadu government is working fast on a new Jail complex with state of the art facilities as a replacement for Central Jail. The politbureau is confident to draw a significant number of criminals to become active in the state to make use of the facilities. Mr. Manmohan singh has thanked Sonia Gandhi for the developments and congratulated Mr. Karunanidhi for his initiatives to make TN the centre of (crime) attraction.
Even Salman Khan felt there were too many people with wet shirts on the roads.
Amitabh Bachan meanwhile had a lot of fun making paper boats out of his IT notices and floating them on the streets.
What's the difference between the Sensex and NASA's space shuttle 'Discover'?
The Sensex is on its way up this week in spite of the heavy rains.
This is funny. Millions of dollars in research, and thousands of scientists- and still NASA has to defer the launch of its shuttle due to rainy conditions. Unbelievable. Is this 1965? This sounds like something NASA would have told Neil Armstrong, you know........'Sorry dude, its raining outside........how about we wait for a few days before you make your trip.........where are you going again? .........the moon, right........ok".
You know what's the best-selling book in Vidarbha right now?
'101 Ways to Commit Suicide'.
Thats right. More than 600 poor farmers in Vidarbha district have commited suicide in recent times !!!!. Until the headcount reached 600, the government was relaxed, you know. 600 was the cut-off level. Upto this point, the Govt. just assumed it was all a big coincidence : - )))
The PM's relief package for Vidarbha is around 3,500 Crores. But the BJP feels it is not satisfactory or good enough. In it's defense, the government could have allotted at least 100 Crores more had the Big B paid his taxes on time.
Did you know that Saddam Hussein's wife and daughter are on the US's most wanted list? When he heard it, Clinton was like - “Hey, they are on my most wanted list too.............. They are in the top 10, in fact ".
George Bush is turning 60 this week. Oh yes, 60 years of age. A landmark for him. His age is now greater than his IQ.
In fact, he was so pleased that he told the press – “Go ahead guys, call me an octogenarian if you want to”.
More ridiculous scenes in our courts. A donkey was brought to court by an NGO as part of a protest rally. But the sad part. Salman Khan mistakenly assumed it was a deer and shot it when in court for his hearing.
Did you read about the bear that has escaped twice from its steel cage before it could be neutered by doctors? Well.........if T Rajendar wants to have more children, I don’t think its our business to try and stop him, right?
The following articles by Vishwa :-)
Mobile phones attract lightning , if not babes to gadget gurus. That is why hutch is planning to change the color to white, and plans to use "conductivity" instead of "connectivity" as a performance parameter. The ad may now portray Benjamin Franklin following the user everywhere.
Last time I heard of Indian's very own super hero was when the movie Hanuman was released. Now they say Hrithik stars as India's own super hero. Do you think he will look cute with the tail? But there is really a true man with tail!!! Reports indicate girls are going "fida" over him.
More than 600 farmers had committed suicide in Maharashtra and only now has govt. stepped in to help them. The economist that our PM is, confused the rise in death toll with sensex and was quoted saying "our economy is prosperous in this Bull Run, we will use all the money to help poor farmers". Don't blame him that is what Sonia had asked him to say.
The following articles by Boston :-)
Mumbai has become prey to heavy rains once more. The Dabbawaalahs were concerned at their drop in service levels and reduction of efficiency by .001%. They hope for an increase in rainfall and clogged drain lines to change their mode of transport from railways to waterways.
Tamilnadu government is working fast on a new Jail complex with state of the art facilities as a replacement for Central Jail. The politbureau is confident to draw a significant number of criminals to become active in the state to make use of the facilities. Mr. Manmohan singh has thanked Sonia Gandhi for the developments and congratulated Mr. Karunanidhi for his initiatives to make TN the centre of (crime) attraction.
