Surely You Gotto be Kidding Me !

Yep….another hot day in the South. People were sweating like Maradona trying to walk 10 meters.

The PM has taken a tough stance on the petrol issue. He says he is going to start making more tough decisions from now on. Like, today, he chose to wear a blue turban without even asking Sonia if it was ok.

Rahul Mahajan sensationally collapsed in the courtroom yesterday. Just fainted. Splat !!!!
This was just after his lawyer told Rahul that the police had no intention of returning all the cocaine and heroin they had seized from him.

President Kalam has fulfilled his dream of flying in a Sukhoi-30. He later told reporters that it was an amazing experience. Not the ride.........what was amazing was that the plane didnt crash-land into some paddy field like it usually does.

JK Rowling has been voted the best British writer alive. Salman Rushdie came in a lowly fourth. Poor guy. I can imagine his 'Fury' on listening to this. He has come in second best to a female who writes about some 'Midnight's Children' fooling around with their magic wands. Rushdie now has to worship the 'Ground beneath her feet'. What a 'Shame' !!
( PS : After winning this poll over Rushdie, JK Rowling is calling him 'Sal-iman the Clown' just to rub salt into the wounds. )

Speaking of Rushdie. I have never understood why he is still with Padma Lakshmi. She is a brainless, anorexic model who routinely exposes just to get into a trashy magazine cover. It just doesn't match, you know. He is the winner of the ' Booker of Bookers' while she could easily win the 'Hooker of Hookers' award hands down.

Massive floods in China. More than 50 people have been killed. Authorities are searching for survivors and bodies of other victims. Let me tell you one thing......Google.com is one place where they wont be searching.........that’s for sure : - )))

The newest 'Apprentice' winner Sean Yazbeck has no intention of marrying soon. I think this makes a lot of sense. Can you imagine him surviving Donald Trump all this time only to have his wife tell him one fine day - " Hey Sean.....I am not happy with your work as a husband....file the divorce papers.......YOU ARE FIRED !!!! "

The following articles by Srivats : -)

Air India and Indian Airlines( presently called Indian ) will soon merge to become one big shit entity. People are looking forward to grandma reunions.

Indian shooting ace Col Rajyavardhan Singh Rathore’s gun was misplaced by Lufthansa airlines during his journey from Cairo. Government source have hinted at ISI involvement to prevent India from securing an Olympic medal. With Rathore out of the way, whole of America is pinning their hopes on homegrown shooting legend Dick Cheney.

The Australian government has urged every one of its citizens to have one child for the country. In fact they are hiring Indians and Chinese to teach the Aussies the art of multiplying.

Just imagine ten thousand beer drinking European men and ten thousand gyrating Latino women put together in a pot and brewed and you get the FIFA football World Cup.

The following articles by Vishwa :-)

A class X student, who was expecting 100 % results in Social science attempted suicide today. For 14 years now, he had been under the impression that Nepal was the only Hindu kingdom in the world and had answered the same to a question in his exam. But Thanks to Mr. L.K.Advani, he was convinced to conclude that Nepal was Secular. Oh boy... the old man doesn't seem to learn the fundamental definitions, even after getting screwed for calling Jinnah secular.

To make up for the loss of popularity due to the impending introduction of new IT return form, the department is now trying to storm the media again. This time it has moved (furtively with govt. support), through the SC against Mulayam Singh Yadav. But it is not the most opportune moment for publicity say advertising experts, as it clashes with Football world cup. The last such attempt to be in the media backfired too, when IT was blamed to have made the Big B sick.

The killing of al - Zarqawi isnt exactly a " showing-middle-finger-on-T.V" kinda of moment for Prez Bush. Instead the whole of senate, including Bush, huddled to identify the next head to bear the $25 million reward as Condoleezza Rice accidentally happen to ask that question. Sources say that our very own Kollywood "Thala" Ajit, plans to drop the title with immediate effect.

While the condom companies in US are foreseeing heavy losses during the Football world cup, the scene in Germany is the direct opposite. The FIIs, who just had pulled out of our market, are apparently investing in German Condom companies. Hence the US plans to start a Condemn Condom Campaign.

A typical scorching day in Chennai. People were sweating like Abdul Kalam running out of white hair dye.

Damn !! Petrol prices are so costly........55 rupees……so high.......as high as Rahul Mahajan after a late night party.

The price of petrol is going up so fast. At this rate, it might catch up with the Sensex in a few weeks time.

Auto drivers in the city have decided to hike up rates by 5 rupees per kilometer. But wait.............this was even before they heard about the petrol price hike !!

Prime Minister Manmohan Singh has clearly said that there will be no roll back in fuel prices. He said nothing can be done about it. "You see.....Sonia has made up her mind and as the PM, its my duty to obey her every word" - he told reporters.

The Sensex lost more than 400 points today to close at 9300 points. It sure is crashing down fast.........faster than our MIG-29 Air Force planes into paddy fields.

Actually we may have done the police a disservice in the Rahul Mahajan case. It seems after he was discharged from the hospital, the police had asked him if there was anything he wanted to do. Rahul had replied that he wanted to be with his family and friends during these testing times. He was then taken to the local jail. Can you blame the police?

The Iraqi Prime Minister has ordered hundreds of Iraqi prisoners to be released from jail yesterday. This is based on sound logic you know. Since all is so fine and peaceful in Iraq, they dont see what big difference a few hundred ex-cons on the loose would really make. ......you know, its worth trying it out......

World Cup news. The Wayne Rooney saga. Turns out he is fit to play in Germany afterall. Wow.......contrary to popular belief, England coach Sven Goran Erikkson is not happy on hearing this. He now has to come up with a new reason why England failed to clear the group stages. With Rooney injured, he was safe and ready with his excuse.............

A survey conducted has revealed that the I-Pod is more popular among college guys than beer !!!! Oh yes, more bad news for women. This means they are now a lowly fourth in popularity among boys. The PlayStation 2 is of course in third place. : - )))

Germany is going to open a literature museum in Berlin. The aim of the project is to collect the best pieces of literature from all parts of the world and assemble them in one place. Wait a minute...............hasn't Kavya Viswanathan already started work on this project?

Did you know that China has blocked Google.com for citizens in its country? How unfair and autocratic is that??............... To make things worse, the Chinese government is (wrongly) dubbing this move as ' The Great Fire-Wall of China'.

Its back to being hot again in Chennai. People were sweating like Arjun Singh, going to the GH for a medical check-up.

The big news, uh? Petrol prices are up by another 4 rupees. But the good part. OBCs will get a 27% discount on each liter of petrol they buy.

Petrol is so expensive that Jayalalitha opted to walk all the way to the Assembly today.

Today morning, Sachin sent his Ferrari back to Fiat.

Its gotten so costly that John Abraham will be chasing the bad guys in a bi-cycle in Dhoom 2.

On to the Mahajan circus. The lastest news is that Rahul Mahajan has been arrested as soon as he was released from hospital. On the bright side, he can now spend quality time with his uncle Pravin in jail and catch up on stuff.

Speaking of jail, 3 children have been arrested in Bihar for stealing salt. Yes, salt. This should teach the young minds a valuable lesson. In Bihar, you can kill people, cheat during exams, be corrupt at your job............. no problem. But if you steal a packet of salt, the entire police force will be behind you.

Its official. A survery has confirmed that Tamil Nadu has the most polluted air in the country. I guess its due to all the farts by the DMK government during the elections. You know, giving everyone free land, TV, rice and whatnot..............shameless propaganda.....

The world is divided further. Serbia is now an independant country. Thats right. And the first thing that the new goverment is planning to do is start their own uranium enrichment plant : - ))))

You must have heard this. The US and the European countries are offering Iran massive benefits to make it stop its uranium enrichment program. The funny part - I dont think Iran has any uranium or knows how to enrich it. They are probably heating desert sand in a concrete chamber and calling it a 'nuclear' plant.

Sports. With some poor batting, England chucked away a golden chance to win the Test series against Sril Lanka. ....Wait..........am sorry. It wasn't them ....it was Muralitharan who chucked......... sorry.

Aamir Khan has come out and told everyone that he is NOT sorry and he will NOT apologise to anyone for his words or actions. To clarify things, this is with reference to Fanaa, his latest movie...........................not the Gujrat issue : - )))

Brad Pitt and Anjelina Jolie are going to sell their baby photos for millions of dollars that will be donated to charity. The creepy part : Micheal Jackson has made the biggest bid for the pictures so far.

What a shame ! The three-armed baby boy that was born in China has been operated upon and the extra arm has been removed. Too bad. He could have lived every guy's dream , you know.................he would have been able to scratch his back, pick his nose and flip channels with the remote control at the same time.........what a shame !!

It was raining in Chennai over the weekend. It was wonderful. In fact, it was so nice that several housewives actually considered switching off "Selvi" and standing in the balcony to watch the rain pour down.

The Mahajan saga. The lab tests have confirmed that Rahul Mahajan had indeed mixed cocaine (or 'coke', as it is referred to) in his drinks at the late night party. Wow.......I think he took the Coca Cola catch phrase 'Coke - Thande ka tadka ' a bit too literally.

Its funny. At first, we were told there was cocaine found in Mahajan's pocket. Then after the diagnosis, the doctors said that Rahul had tested negative for drugs. Then, they have again changed their minds saying that he did take cocaine. Forget Rahul, I have a feeling some of these docs have been snorting the good stuff for sure : - )))

TN Chief Minister Karunanidhi is going to Delhi to meet Sonia Gandhi and hold talks. (This is of course subject to him still being alive after a 2-hour plane journey. You know, only if he is still breathing.....else the talks are off. )

Btw, the 2-rupees rice distribution is underway in TN. It’s a crazy thing to do but they are doing it anyway. Since we taxpayers are the ones bearing the burden. Karunanidhi can afford to be generous with our money. What next? Petrol for 10 rupees per litre and gas stove for 50 bucks next year?

The Sensex is down again today following some profit-booking sessions. Hmm.....its good to hear. That someone is actually making a profit at the stock market these days.

Montenegro is now officially separate from Serbia and is an independent country. Great. Just great. So, now we have one more country who is going to finish ahead of India in the medals tally at the Beijing Olympics in 2008. Its the last thing we needed...........

Did you know that Yahoo CEO Terry Semel makes only $1 annually in terms of salary? Yeah, thats right. One dollar !!!. The sad part : In spite of agreeing to such a low salary, his job is still going to be outsourced to India. There are software engineers willing to work for less than that over here .....

One dollar..........can you believe that? I wasn't kidding. I really know people in our country who work for earnings less than 45 rupees a year. We all know them well. They are the Bollywood producers who make Abhishek Bachan movies.

Some major upsets at the French Open yesterday. In the Women's section, Maria Sharapova has been knocked out. The men dint do too well either. You know, like, Mauresmo lost in the third round.

Jennifer Aniston's latest movie " The Break-up" is a hit. It was the top movie in the US over the weekend. Aniston was pretty happy on hearing this. Afterall, this is her first hit since.........since........Season 7 of FRIENDS.

The following articles by Srivats :-)

Vajpayee has said youngsters make mistakes when they are in bad company. He is not talking about Rahul Mahajan, it was his advice to Karunanidhi on his 83rd birthday to keep Dayanidhi Maran at bay.

Paswan wants 10% reservation for economically backwards apart from the existing set of quotas. The only solution I see is a state lottery instead of entrance exams and all that crap, Let probability decide I say.

Karunanidhi is meeting Sonia Gandhi to discuss the possibility of sharing seats with congress in the state . NDTV has dubbed it "When Karry met Sonny".

I was watching the French Open yesterday. The first match on was Maria Sharapova versus Dinara Safina.Third round.

After a couple of points, I realised something. Namely, that the audience in a tennis match consists of people with the lowest self respect you can find. Think about it....they pay huge amounts of money to come watch and then get insulted by a guy sitting on a ridiculously high chair.He keeps asking you to shut up and keep quiet before every point.Its like-'Silence please.Shhhh....quiet everybody.....shhh'.Aren't the spectators done with this at school? We all paid good money to go to school...and our teacher kept sushhhh-ing us.I thought once you are out of school, you wouldnt want to be subject to that ever again.'Rafael Nadal? no thanks....I am more than happy to watch him on TV'.

And its not as if the same rule applies for the players too.You would know that if you watched this match. The two of them were screaming from deep within after every shot.Primal screams.Real loud.Its almost like they want to rub it into the audience. Look you guys...we can make all the noise we want...Aaaahhhhh.....Oooohhhhhh.....you guys meanwhile sit like Egyptian mummies, ok?

Incidentally, Sharapova lost the match. Technically, it is called an upset defeat. Its fairly obvious why they call it that. Sharapova looked pretty upset after the match alright.But this is only when a Sharapova loses.Not when an unseeded player gets defeated.Thats becasue only the big players get upset on losing a match. The others are supposed to be like - 'Its no big deal....I dont mind losing...I now get more time to look around Paris. I am NOT upset!!!!'

Speaking of Safina, did you know that she is the sister of Marat Safin? Yep, the name similarity is no coincidence.Its basically the same name.Safin.Safina. I dont understand one thing about her mom. She obviously spent more than 10 months lugging little Safina in her tummy.What a patient excercise !! But when it came to naming the child, she apparently thought it was too much effort.'What did we name the boy?.... Safin?... Okay, then put this one down as.....as.....Safina....yeah Safina is fine.Can I go to sleep now?'

After the match, have you noticed the players signing their autograph on the TV lens? I have never understood why they do that.....you know, cause its obviously a nuisance to the camera guy.He now has ink marks all over his lens.Got to wipe it clean before the next game. On the other hand, there are all these fans desperate for an autograph...they are waving their hands, shouting Maria's name, trying to get her attention, over here -over here....but what does she do? She picks and chooses the one guy who couldnt care less and 'there you go mate, I have scribbled all over your valuable electronic equipment.Happy?'....

After a tough match the players just want to go the locker room and take a pee....and these fans are begging them to scribble on some piece of paper ...so they would be like ' let me do this and get the hell out of here'. Thats another odd thing. In normal life, if someone scribbled carelessly on something, I wouldnt make a big deal of it.Then how come its suddenly valuable if Sharapova does it? She doesnt care for you...she isnt taking her time signing her name...some random motion on the surface of the paper and suddenly you are like 'Woo-hoo....i got it, i got it'. But once you go home, the sobering effect starts coming in. Can you imagine how silly you would feel while telling your grand children about this? They would be like - ' So...some Russian girl made this wavy markings 40 years back and you kept it in your safe all these years? Hehehehe......and you buried Grandma.But preserved this....bad bad grandpa !!!".