Surely You Gotto be Kidding Me !
Thursday, November 30, 2006
Headlines : 1st December, Friday
The rains are over and its back to being hot in Chennai. People were sweating like Greg Chappel answering questions at a press conference.
As we all know, the Indian team has been performing miserably in the current tour of South Africa. And just when you thought things couldn't get any worse, they just have. Thats right!!! Dada is back in the team folks!!!!!
The selectors reasoned that Ganguly's experience would be invaluable to a side underperforming and losing badly so far. Of course. When it comes to the question of consistently underperforming, no one has more experience than Saurav Ganguly in international cricket.
Moving on. It just keeps getting worse for Sanjay Dutt. He has now been arrested for desecrating an Ambedkar statue in Kanpur.
Kidding. As if it’s that simple. Sanju bhai has been convicted in the '93 Mumbai blasts case. The Judge ruled that he was guilty of pocessing dangerous weapons but he was not a terrorist. Same thing they told Dick Cheney after the shooting-his-friend-in-the-face incident.
Dutt was caught being in pocession of an AK-56 rifle and a 9 mm pistol, ammunition and several hand grenades. He argued that it was all merely for self-protection. Really? Who was he protecting himself from? North Korea?
Sanjay Dutt has urged the TADA court to give him lesser punishment as he was the sole earning member of the family. He has my sympathies. I mean, the man has a daughter, 2 grandparents and 14 terrorists living in the cellar to feed........cut him some slack here !!
National Security Advisor M K Narayanan revealed to the media today that most of the terrorists involved in the 7-11 blasts have escaped to Pakistan already. We have Sanjay Dutt in custody. That’s the good part. But the others are long gone.......
Big news. Shah Rukh will be the new host of the popular game show KBC in its third edition next year. Of course, the show would now be called K-k-k-ka-Kaun Banege Crorepati.....hehehehehehe
Kaun Banega Crorepati, eh? The answer is pretty obvious............ Shah Rukh Khan, who else? He's going to sign a multi-crore deal for sure. The participants - their situation is a bit iffy.
Sports. Did you read about this? Doping tests will be conduced on Chess players participating in the Asian Games in Doha this week. Well, I don’t see what’s the harm. If you are stupid enough to use performance enhancing drugs for this sport, you shouldn't be playing chess anyway.
The Britney divorce. It now emerges that K-Fed was having an affair with a porn star a month before the pop princess filed for divorce. And when I say porn star, I am not talking about Britney's new-found buddy, Paris Hilton.
A worrying trend. A study conducted by the University of Southern California reveals that one in five American parents believe their kids are spending too much time on the Internet. Worse yet, 4 in 5 parents took part in this survey online.
As we all know, the Indian team has been performing miserably in the current tour of South Africa. And just when you thought things couldn't get any worse, they just have. Thats right!!! Dada is back in the team folks!!!!!
The selectors reasoned that Ganguly's experience would be invaluable to a side underperforming and losing badly so far. Of course. When it comes to the question of consistently underperforming, no one has more experience than Saurav Ganguly in international cricket.
Moving on. It just keeps getting worse for Sanjay Dutt. He has now been arrested for desecrating an Ambedkar statue in Kanpur.
Kidding. As if it’s that simple. Sanju bhai has been convicted in the '93 Mumbai blasts case. The Judge ruled that he was guilty of pocessing dangerous weapons but he was not a terrorist. Same thing they told Dick Cheney after the shooting-his-friend-in-the-face incident.
Dutt was caught being in pocession of an AK-56 rifle and a 9 mm pistol, ammunition and several hand grenades. He argued that it was all merely for self-protection. Really? Who was he protecting himself from? North Korea?
Sanjay Dutt has urged the TADA court to give him lesser punishment as he was the sole earning member of the family. He has my sympathies. I mean, the man has a daughter, 2 grandparents and 14 terrorists living in the cellar to feed........cut him some slack here !!
National Security Advisor M K Narayanan revealed to the media today that most of the terrorists involved in the 7-11 blasts have escaped to Pakistan already. We have Sanjay Dutt in custody. That’s the good part. But the others are long gone.......
Big news. Shah Rukh will be the new host of the popular game show KBC in its third edition next year. Of course, the show would now be called K-k-k-ka-Kaun Banege Crorepati.....hehehehehehe
Kaun Banega Crorepati, eh? The answer is pretty obvious............ Shah Rukh Khan, who else? He's going to sign a multi-crore deal for sure. The participants - their situation is a bit iffy.
Sports. Did you read about this? Doping tests will be conduced on Chess players participating in the Asian Games in Doha this week. Well, I don’t see what’s the harm. If you are stupid enough to use performance enhancing drugs for this sport, you shouldn't be playing chess anyway.
The Britney divorce. It now emerges that K-Fed was having an affair with a porn star a month before the pop princess filed for divorce. And when I say porn star, I am not talking about Britney's new-found buddy, Paris Hilton.
A worrying trend. A study conducted by the University of Southern California reveals that one in five American parents believe their kids are spending too much time on the Internet. Worse yet, 4 in 5 parents took part in this survey online.
Tuesday, November 28, 2006
The Month that was....: Part 3
BULLETIN: Actor Sanjay Dutt has been found guilty by the TADA court and convicted in the '93 Mumbai blasts case. And he wont be having the company of brother 'Circuit' to comfort him this time around in jail.......
On to the final part of the 3 part series....
The number 1 movie in the US right now is Borat. It's about a journalist from a foreign land who wants to learn about the American culture. And it doesn’t get any better or easier to learn about America than watching the story of Rev. Ted Haggard - the leader of a Megachurch with more than 30 million members who was found to have been having sexual relations with a drug-running gay prostitute for over 3 years - unfold.
In the movie, the character Borat wears a rather large moustache besides coming across as being excessively anti-Jewish. If rumors doing the rounds are to be believed, it was none other than Mel Gibson who played the role, hiding behind that bushy moustache.....
Meanwhile, Roger Federer won the Shanghai masters to cap another awesome year. He literally faced no competition on-court. His only challenge was to ensure that girlfriend Mirka did not cross the 200-pound barrier during the course of the year. (I think he failed in that one).
Federer also is involved in a number of charities - like working for his Foundation in South Africa and paying Tony Roche a salary (pension is more like it).
Saddam Hussein meanwhile has been condemned to death. He was hoping for a hung jury but the jury decided to hang him instead.
When the verdict was announced, Saddam yelled out "Long live the glorious nation of Iraq, and death to its enemies!" So, he seems to agree with the decision too..........not bad.
Saddam's lawyer dismissed the trial as a "farce". "The trial was completely illegal and the verdict was already fixed "- he argued. Poor guy. Wait till he hears about the OJ trial.........
Speaking of whom, OJ Simpson is coming out with a book of fiction titled 'If I did it', discussing how he would have carried out the murders, had he tried to. You know something amazing? OJ might be the first person to have an autobiography placed in the fiction category in bookstores and libraries.
A lot of confusion at the CAT exams this time.....the errors, the silly mistakes, the careless attitude........and all this just from the professors who set the question paper !!!
Did you read about that? The question paper was subsequently found to contain a plethora of printing errors, wrongly framed questions and other oversights. And some of the proper nouns were mis-spelt too. Like Bangalore was spelled as Bengalooru....
But wait. That's ok I guess. It's an initiative of the govt. of Karnataka. They reckoned that since the city's problems like congestion, water shortage, pollution were already taken care of, they might as well spend valuable time on this worthy pursuit.
Govt officials argued that the move was to respect the sentiments of the 50-million Kannadigas, who want to return to their roots. Sure. They can also return to their roots when they walk into the offices of their multinational employers on Monday morning in the city best known as India's outsourcing hub!!!! WTF ?!?!?!
And yeah, the Democrats have seized control of the House again...........
On to the final part of the 3 part series....
The number 1 movie in the US right now is Borat. It's about a journalist from a foreign land who wants to learn about the American culture. And it doesn’t get any better or easier to learn about America than watching the story of Rev. Ted Haggard - the leader of a Megachurch with more than 30 million members who was found to have been having sexual relations with a drug-running gay prostitute for over 3 years - unfold.
In the movie, the character Borat wears a rather large moustache besides coming across as being excessively anti-Jewish. If rumors doing the rounds are to be believed, it was none other than Mel Gibson who played the role, hiding behind that bushy moustache.....
Meanwhile, Roger Federer won the Shanghai masters to cap another awesome year. He literally faced no competition on-court. His only challenge was to ensure that girlfriend Mirka did not cross the 200-pound barrier during the course of the year. (I think he failed in that one).
Federer also is involved in a number of charities - like working for his Foundation in South Africa and paying Tony Roche a salary (pension is more like it).
Saddam Hussein meanwhile has been condemned to death. He was hoping for a hung jury but the jury decided to hang him instead.
When the verdict was announced, Saddam yelled out "Long live the glorious nation of Iraq, and death to its enemies!" So, he seems to agree with the decision too..........not bad.
Saddam's lawyer dismissed the trial as a "farce". "The trial was completely illegal and the verdict was already fixed "- he argued. Poor guy. Wait till he hears about the OJ trial.........
Speaking of whom, OJ Simpson is coming out with a book of fiction titled 'If I did it', discussing how he would have carried out the murders, had he tried to. You know something amazing? OJ might be the first person to have an autobiography placed in the fiction category in bookstores and libraries.
A lot of confusion at the CAT exams this time.....the errors, the silly mistakes, the careless attitude........and all this just from the professors who set the question paper !!!
Did you read about that? The question paper was subsequently found to contain a plethora of printing errors, wrongly framed questions and other oversights. And some of the proper nouns were mis-spelt too. Like Bangalore was spelled as Bengalooru....
But wait. That's ok I guess. It's an initiative of the govt. of Karnataka. They reckoned that since the city's problems like congestion, water shortage, pollution were already taken care of, they might as well spend valuable time on this worthy pursuit.
Govt officials argued that the move was to respect the sentiments of the 50-million Kannadigas, who want to return to their roots. Sure. They can also return to their roots when they walk into the offices of their multinational employers on Monday morning in the city best known as India's outsourcing hub!!!! WTF ?!?!?!
And yeah, the Democrats have seized control of the House again...........
Sunday, November 26, 2006
The Month that was......: Part 2
[Editor’s Note: Although I promised to be regular henceforth, I know there was no update in the last two days :-))
In my defense, I was away in Madurai, at the Meenakshi temple attending the Abhishek Bachan - Aishwarya Rai wedding the never took place.]
Alright. Let’s get on with the real news.....
Cricket. Here's an irony. Darrell Hair got sacked for his role in the Oval test controversy. And the bowlers he accused of ball tampering, Shoaib Akhtar and Mohammad Asif, also got themselves banned for doping malpractices. All three are now taking a well deserved vacation in the Maldives together.....
Darrell Hair was also accused of being a racist, something he firmly denies. 'Who do you think I am? Michael Richards?’ he retorted to the press.
Indeed!! Seinfeld legend Michael Richards made people sit up in consternation when doing his stand-up routine at a night club, by liberally using the N word at a couple of black hecklers. He later apologized for his outburst and, not surprisingly, blamed the whole thing on Newman.
The people at the Comedy Club remarked that the only other time there was such an uneasy silence in the audience was when John Kerry made his debut as a stand-up comic last month.
That’s right. John Kerry got into trouble when he botched up a joke on Iraq during a campaign speech. You see, this is one problem George Bush never had. People are always rolling with laughter whenever he opens his mouth.
To be precise, John Kerry joked that if the youngsters in the country didn’t study properly and ignored their education, they might end up getting stuck in Iraq !! He also added that given the present administration's lack of an exit strategy, the only way they could get out would be if Madonna adopted them.
Understandably, Kerry says its time to move on. The joke is in the past and its time the American public focused on the really important issues, he said. Like whether Daniel Craig is any good as the new James Bond or not.
The answer to which is Yes. Daniel Craig convincingly portrays the role of a government agent with a penchant for violence and a license to kill. Or, as the Americans fondly call him, Dick Cheney.
Jokes apart, Daniel Craig is quite impressive in the action scenes and like his predecessors, has a pretty good time with ladies. A pity that the only Englishman who is scoring and in good form, is not playing in the Ashes series.
In what is expected to be an extremely one-sided series, no one is giving the English team a chance against Australia. Forget an actual match, England can’t win even if the game was only played on a PlayStation 3.
No kidding!.....The Sony PlayStation 3 is finally out in the market. That's just more bad news for Microsoft. They now are struggling to keep track of which is doing worse - the Xbox or the Zune mp3 player.
And the new PS 3 is a big hit already. There are long queues outside Circuit City and Best Buy stretching for several blocks!! To everyone's amusement, Kevin Federline was spotted among those waiting in the line. When reporters asked him what the hell was he doing there, he explained - 'Am just standin in the bread line ma man, like all these other homeless people......'
(The final part will be posted tommorrow....)
In my defense, I was away in Madurai, at the Meenakshi temple attending the Abhishek Bachan - Aishwarya Rai wedding the never took place.]
Alright. Let’s get on with the real news.....
Cricket. Here's an irony. Darrell Hair got sacked for his role in the Oval test controversy. And the bowlers he accused of ball tampering, Shoaib Akhtar and Mohammad Asif, also got themselves banned for doping malpractices. All three are now taking a well deserved vacation in the Maldives together.....
Darrell Hair was also accused of being a racist, something he firmly denies. 'Who do you think I am? Michael Richards?’ he retorted to the press.
Indeed!! Seinfeld legend Michael Richards made people sit up in consternation when doing his stand-up routine at a night club, by liberally using the N word at a couple of black hecklers. He later apologized for his outburst and, not surprisingly, blamed the whole thing on Newman.
The people at the Comedy Club remarked that the only other time there was such an uneasy silence in the audience was when John Kerry made his debut as a stand-up comic last month.
That’s right. John Kerry got into trouble when he botched up a joke on Iraq during a campaign speech. You see, this is one problem George Bush never had. People are always rolling with laughter whenever he opens his mouth.
To be precise, John Kerry joked that if the youngsters in the country didn’t study properly and ignored their education, they might end up getting stuck in Iraq !! He also added that given the present administration's lack of an exit strategy, the only way they could get out would be if Madonna adopted them.
Understandably, Kerry says its time to move on. The joke is in the past and its time the American public focused on the really important issues, he said. Like whether Daniel Craig is any good as the new James Bond or not.
The answer to which is Yes. Daniel Craig convincingly portrays the role of a government agent with a penchant for violence and a license to kill. Or, as the Americans fondly call him, Dick Cheney.
Jokes apart, Daniel Craig is quite impressive in the action scenes and like his predecessors, has a pretty good time with ladies. A pity that the only Englishman who is scoring and in good form, is not playing in the Ashes series.
In what is expected to be an extremely one-sided series, no one is giving the English team a chance against Australia. Forget an actual match, England can’t win even if the game was only played on a PlayStation 3.
No kidding!.....The Sony PlayStation 3 is finally out in the market. That's just more bad news for Microsoft. They now are struggling to keep track of which is doing worse - the Xbox or the Zune mp3 player.
And the new PS 3 is a big hit already. There are long queues outside Circuit City and Best Buy stretching for several blocks!! To everyone's amusement, Kevin Federline was spotted among those waiting in the line. When reporters asked him what the hell was he doing there, he explained - 'Am just standin in the bread line ma man, like all these other homeless people......'
(The final part will be posted tommorrow....)
