Surely You Gotto be Kidding Me !

Big news!! Shah Rukh Khan will soon host his next reality show which will be on the lines of the US-based show, Are You Smarter than a 5th Grader. His first guest will be Raj Thackeray.

Raj Thackeray’s incendiary remarks. He accused Amitabh Bachchan and his family of making their money in Maharashtra but deciding to spend it elsewhere. The Bachchan family was not available for comment since they were away in Jaipur (Rajasthan) to lavishly celebrate Abhishek’s 32^nd birthday.

Amitabh Bachchan has taken the moral high ground by refusing to take any action against Raj Thackeray. He is not going to lodge a police complaint or move him to court or try and get the MNS activists behind bars. Amar Singh will take care of all that.

The Govt has serious concerns over BJP leader LK Advani's security, who is planning on a series of rallies nationwide. They reckon more people in the country are keen on bombing him than listening to him.

The kidney scam. Key accused Amit Kumar in deeper trouble. It now emerges that Doctor Kumar had political connections apart from underhand links with the local police. Even the BCCI concedes it can’t save him now.

Tech news. Transcend has announced its latest MP3 player, the T.sonic 850. It sports a 1.8-inches full-color screen, and up to 8GB storage capacity. The tag-line for the product is – Handy for 'Transcend'ental Meditation.

Speaking of which, Maharishi Mahesh Yogi has passed away at the age of 91. He was best known for being the guru of the Beatles and the Beach Boys. And for making TM a TM.

"Being happy is of the utmost importance. Under all circumstances be happy ..." – was the Maharishi’s message. I had no idea Nicolas Sarkozy was his disciple too.

The Maharishi was born in Madhya Pradesh but went on to spread his TM concept worldwide since 1958. “No comments” said a grim-faced Raj Thackeray.

Heading into Super Tuesday, opinion polls reveal that Hillary Clinton and Barack Obama are pretty much neck to neck. That’s closer than Bill ever got to her in the last 10 years.

Elections will be taking place in more than 22 states with huge crowds expected to turn up for voting. Not as huge as the ones for American Idol auditions. But huge nevertheless.

An egg was thrown at Muralitharan from a guy in a passing car which hit the spinner on his back. Murali was impressed and angry at the same time. He realized that he was no more the only expert at chucking spherical objects from impossible angles at people.

Reports say that when he was on a tour to India in 2002, cricketer Shoaib Malik secretly married and abandoned a Hyderabadi girl named Ayesha. The words Pakistani Skipper assume a whole new meaning in this context.

A new study at the University of Helsinki shows that women take more sick leave than men. And not just when they are in bed, the researchers pointed out.

It’s official now. Nicolas Sarkozy is the new Sultan of Bruni (pardon the pun). In fact, he was as rich as the other Sultan of Brunei till he started paying those alimony cheques to his ex-wives.

Public reaction to Carlo Bruni has been mixed. She is an ex-supermodel and singer with a long list of past boyfriends. She was even portrayed in the French media as someone “beautiful and bionic, with an immobile face, as if sculpted in wax". No wait, that was Arnold Schwarzenegger. Not her.

But since the announcement of the wedding, Sarkozy’s popularity has dipped considerably. In fact, experts say that his poll ratings are plunging as low as Carlo Bruni’s neckline.

India had a disruption of internet service last week as a result of breaks in three vital undersea Internet cables. So Yahoo! Search was slower than usual though Microsoft had not even bought the company yet.

The 45 billion dollar deal in the offing that has stunned the internet world. The last time Steve Ballmer offered that kind of money for a merger was when he asked his wife to marry him.

Raj Thackeray in the news. His offensive against North Indians and Amitabh Bachchan led to his Maharashtra Navnirman Sena (MNS) activists turning to violence in Mumbai. Looks like MNS actually stands for Mindless Numb-Skulls.

Raj Thackeray accused Amitabh Bachchan of making his money in Maharashstra but deciding to do things elsewhere in India. In his defense, at least Amitabh never paid taxes anywhere.

The cold spell continued in Bombay with the coldest Feb 1st recorded in the last 48 years. Little wonder that the bulls have gone AWOL and the bears are ruling at the Sensex.

With a backlog of 30 million court cases, Prathiba Patil feels that the law needs to change. She says that there is the need for dispensing quick justice without too much emphasis on protocol and formality. She is going to hand over the situation to the BCCI.

Speaking of courts, the Supreme Court rejected a petition seeking action against Narayana Murthy for allegedly insulting the national anthem by playing its instrumental version. The court ruled that instrumental versions were OK as long as it was not played by Saif Ali Khan.

So what’s with Saif Ali Khan and his guitar and his stupid stage shows?? If Mumbai-ites wanted to see tired old men on cocaine pretending to be hep rock stars, they would go see the Iron Maiden concert instead.

The government may raise petrol price by Rs 2 per litre and diesel by Re 1 per litre this week. Ratan Tata has now promised to work on making petrol that only costs 3 Rs/litre.

In a new study, Italian Urologist Dr. Maria Cerruto suggested that wearing stilettos can improve an average woman’s sex life. But only if you already have a boyfriend, she quickly clarified.

The Hitchhiker’s Guide gave us the meaning of human life – 42. Chicken sellers in Bihar have given us the value of human life – 1 kg of onions.

That’s right. Chicken sellers in Bihar have adopted a novel strategy to beat the bird flu scare and boost their dropping sales by giving a kilo of onions free with every kilo of chicken. THEY HAD TAKERS.

And I thought no one could embarrass himself more in public than being seen in a Nano.

Israeli Prime Minister, Ehud Olmert, escaped serious censure last night from Eliyahu Winograd, a retired judge who led a government inquiry over his mis-handling of the war in Lebanon. Turns out the BCCI had forced the judge’s hand by threatening to walk out of the tour of Australia if the charges against Olmert were not dropped.

The Judge in charge of the Harbhajan hearing confirmed that Tendulkar's positive word about his team mate counted in his decision to clear Harbhajan of racial abuse. Finally an endorsement from Sachin where he made no money whatsoever.

But an angry Ricky Ponting sharply criticized the lifting of three-Test ban on Harbhajan Singh. He even went on to call the Judge a ‘mindless monkey’.

Addressing an issue that has blighted race relations in the country for years, the Australian government says it will apologize for past mistreatment of Australia’s Aboriginal minority. They intend to start with Andrew Symonds.

Novelist Taslima Nasrin was reportedly hospitalized when doctors at the AIIMS wrongly prescribed a heavy dose of pills as treatment for blood pressure. Today, Britney Spears checked herself into the clinic citing a headache. Fishy!

The Govt has allocated Rs 600 crore to the "Project Tiger" scheme for the conservation and rehabilitation of the endangered species. In stark contrast, the Govt in neighboring Sri Lanka has allotted a similar amount to kill as many Tigers as possible.

Democratic candidate John Edwards has pulled out of the Presidential race. He apparently did not like the fact the costs involved in the campaign forced him to have a haircut like normal people for $20.

Scientists will soon be able to cut men from the process of creating life, enabling women to have children that are biologically their own. So it’s official. There is no basis for Kevin Federline’s existence in the universe anymore.

This has astonished scientists. Satellite pictures from Mercury show geological formations never seen before on the surface of the planet – huge craters, mile-long ridges, weird rock projections…….Or, as Chennai-ites call it – North Usman Road.

Kareena Kapoor put an end to rumors about her secret marriage to Saif Ali Khan saying she wont be getting married for at least another 5 years. To which Saif remarked – “5 years, eh? So it won’t be me paying her the alimony then”.

According to a new study by Canadian scientists, girls with big breasts are prone to diabetes. The study also mentioned that girls with small breasts are prone to dia-virgin.

Following pressure from the BCCI to pull out of the ODIs, the charges against Harbhajan were finally dropped. Now, the BCCI has again threatened to pull out of the tour unless Ponting, Hussey, Lee and Clarke follow Gilchrist and retire from the game with immediate effect.

Adam Gilchrist and his surprise retirement. It’s clear that following the repercussions of the Sydney test – no more sledging, no more gamesmanship, no racism – Gilly sees no real reason to carry on playing the game anymore.

A proud moment for India. ISB now ranks 20^th in the latest FT global B-school rankings. A small concern though. Hogwarts also finds a place in the list at 14^th.

The Government has introduced an ambitious financial transaction surveillance project to track big spending citizens and their tax filings. That explains why I saw Shah Rukh Khan driving a Nano the other day.

Tamil Nadu CM Karunanidhi called for a joint effort to fight global warming at a recent meeting. Sure. If politicians stopped blowing all this hot air like they cared about the issue, that would be a good start in itself.

The Chennai Corporation will soon have a detailed set of rules for garbage disposal. Isn’t this awesome? Finally someone is doing something about Vaiko!

In a Democratic convention yesterday, Ted Kennedy announced that he was now passing the Kennedy mantle to Obama. Wow. But he still wouldn’t pass the keys to his Mini-Bar. Now that’s a true Kennedy!

Barack Obama has claimed that following his win in SC, America is now ready for a change. I don’t know about America, but the Democratic Party sure is. It’s high time they won one of these elections….

U.S. Secretary of State Condoleezza Rice signaled U.S. support for the forces of Palestine taking charge of the Gaza Strip's breached border with Egypt. Close to 80 Mexicans sneaked through the border into the US before she could finish making this statement.

The US has sent India another stark reminder that time is running out for the nuclear deal. India is unlikely to decide anything immediately. However, the government has offered President Bush and Dick Cheney a Padma Shree each, if it would make a difference.

China might broadcast live the first ever spacewalk by its astronauts in the upcoming mission of Shenzhou VII this year. You know what, this might actually be fascinating to a population for whom the words ‘Star Trek’ hold no significance.

A new book on Gandhi explores his final moments and contends that the Mahatma's granddaughter Manu only heard him utter: "Hey Ra..." This is the kind of thing that makes one wonder if recycling paper is really worth the effort.

Ever the opportunist, M Karunanidhi chipped in with – “I’ve been telling you all along…..there was never any “Ram”.

Coincidentally, Arun Gandhi, grandson of the Mahatma, resigned over the weekend from the peace institute named for his grandfather. This was following criticism of his comments where he said "Israel and the Jews are the biggest players" in a "culture of violence." Watching sadly from heaven, a distinct “Hey Ram’ escaped the Mahatma’s lips this time around.